Downlow Brothers Forum

It seems that bisexuality goes hand and hand with being down low. And as we already know being down low is almost a prerequisite to meeting Mr. Right. How many times have you been asked lately are you DL? The term gay definitely now has a negative connotation attached to it. Does bisexuality really exist? Can one love both sexes?  Are down low brothers just perpetrating? This certainly is one age old question. Often debated but never resolved. No doubt there are issues for and against the case of bisexuality and at the center of this maelstrom is the down low brother. Why is this suddenly such an issue? Well for starters the proportion of viable black men to women is now 300 women for every black male. Multiply that when the female is educated and somewhat affluent. Her chances of securing a relationship with a black male of her caliber diminishes even further. Hence comes the problem. It is no secret that the creme of the crop of black men get down, most of them on the downlow, and this crop is heavily courted by heterosexual females seeking the man of their dreams.

Many down low brothers find themselves in relationships with females but struggling with their inner desires for other males. What is a brotha to do? Bisexuality seems to present the answer. But does it really? More often then not these women are cover girls i.e. women who are used to throw off the suspicions of others about men of questionable orientation. Here again is the dilemma of bisexuality/down low in that often one partner is secretive and clandestine about his other sexual desires. We must admit that in the era of HIV that such secretiveness and stealth is both unfair and dangerous. Moreover the catch 22 of the situation is that most brothers who are able to function with females tend to be more attractive in the eyes of a potential partner. These males are often more masculine and upwardly mobile than the proverbial bar flies and the effeminate sharp tongued gay black males depicted in the stereotypical minds of most.

Are bisexuals confused? Is being on the down low just low down?  You tell me?

 

DISCUSSION

From: DJ
 
It really trips me out when gay guys state that there's no such thing as bisexuality.  How quickly same sex peeps forgot and still do deny the some way str8 minds thought in the 30's, 40's, 50's etc. that peeps of the same sex were freaks, abnormal, committed to mental institutions for being themselves, and genuinely loving someone of the same sex.  Now gays, in general, are acting like knuckleheads too in that, a guy cannot be sexually turned on to both a female and a man in the same way.  Bisexuality is real, just like gay.  What I really think why some gays do not want to accept bisexuality is that they feel like they are competing against pussy and threatened by it.  A selfish, narrow minded behavior.  So for all of the gays who insist that a man cannot be sexually turned on to a female as well a man is crap, punk.  I hate stupid thinking gays who act like the str8 community to deny the truth because of their screwed up minds.  One would think that of all types of people gays should be the most opened minded human beings.  Not ture folks.  So be weary.  Peace.  

From southboye@aol 

My take on the situation at hand is that there isnt a situation. Why does society always feel a need to categorize and file everybody into some nice little slot. To all my dawgs out there I can only speak for myself. As a young, attractive, intelligent, black brother w/ what some might call a thug appeal, the fact remains that I am and feel that I will always be Bi. I have been in relationships with males and females alike and like most of us I at first felt that I was confused. Now I was always a popular kat in school and kept a broad on my shoulder as often as it would permit and all the time knowing that I was attracted to dudes. I remember kickin it with my homeboy at my crib back in the day and we where getting down when my mother along with both of our girlfriends came through the door. We were so caught up in the moment that we forgot that my mother was supp! osed to take all of us shopping for our homecoming dance. I had to lock my room door until we got dressed. At that precise moment I felt that I had to be confused to think that I could staddle the fence without getting bit in the ass. From there I went on to having a relationship with the same kat. It was bliss to me because I never heard, "where have you been" or" who's that bitch". Only a smile to greet me day in and day out. My homeboy was only concerned about the time that we spent together and with that time we always made the most of it.We could always feel secure knowing that we had each others back whether it be at the club, on the streets, or emotionally. We both eventually parted feeling that we were ready to live a "normal life" and both became involved in very serious relationships with females. I had fallen in love with the most beautiful, intelligent, caring human being I had come to know intimately but with this relationship came the disagreements and her added ! attention requirements that should be expected as a strong black women needs the challenge of a strong black man. I still loved her the same and also made her aware of my sexuality. She was very accepting being that I had always been this way. At that time I accepted it myself instead of feeling a cloud of confusion on the subject. Now I know that I am attracted to the conversation, the walk, the touch, the sense of humor of a person whether it be male or female. You are naturally attracted to different people for different reasons. Why should it matter the sex? So in my situation I am confident not confused about my sexuality or myself as a whole. So to the dudes and chicks that cannot accept myself and alot of my male counterparts as being Bi, ya'll can roll with the wind to fit in but I prefer to remain against the grain.

From anonymous

No, being bisexual does not mean that your confused. In some way, I feel bisexuality is the perfect answer for most males and females. It gives them the opportunity to sexually explore members of the same sex as well as the opposite without having the "gay" label. As most are aware, the term "gay" seems to have a negative effect on most people. Some males just call themselves "bisexual" because it sounds better and they take the term "gay" as a derogatory comment. So, does bisexuality equal confusion? No, it means the exploration of both sexes. We must remember that "gay" and "straight" are not the only terms for describing ones sexuality.

From Rebahgaa@aol

I fell that bisexuals are no differant than anyone else.Their only doing what they want to do.Life is what you make it what you put in you'll get out.We are all a little sick in the head too and to think differantly your only fooling yourself.I only date very masculant bisexuals that are muscular.Funny its just a flook happaning that 80% of the men I date or talk to has a child or children.Its not that bisexuals are sick in the head its that they are ejoying sex with both sexes.So who are we to judge let the judging up to God. 

From singleblackman@hotmail.com

I like women and men, I like the best of both worlds. I look at the fine ass niggas and and the bitches with the phat asses. I love dick, I love ass, I love pussy....i like sucking dick, I like getting my dick sucked, I like eating ass, I like eating pussy and I like getting my ass ate. I live in Maryland, and the boiz and the bitches are DECENT... I don't have a girl, i aint got noi nigga that I freak with regualarly...so I just roll with who ever I wanna roll wit. Email me with you comment, or if you wanna met me.
PEACE.
Darnell

From evan@rmy.emory.edu

I have nerver enjoyed reading disscusion as much as I enjoyed reading the responses to the issue of bisexuals being confused. I consider myself a same-gender-loving brotha. And yes like everyone else caught up in the race
consicousness I use to think being bi was noncommital or confused. Over the past few years I have come to the only conclusion there is (for me anyway), which knows that to be bi is just another expression of my Creator. How could I think anything else if I claim to be an expression ?!!! Who am I to denie another of their status of being an expression of the Creator ?!! I strongly agree with the person who
responded with the point that maybe what needs to be sorted out is the issue of monogamy or polygamy. This seems to be t what stands in the way of the bi and others, in making a commitment. Our country is very young and has much to
relearn about human nature. Two of the points that need to be relearned are polygamus relationships and same-gender -loving individuals. These two aspects of human interaction have existed in more than half the world communities/nations
for many thousands of years before the western mind change. And yes they BOTH existed in many African nations my str8 bro/sis. What we look at as "gay" (if you have to use that word), and the way that we treat anything that is different
in this country is very different than the way societies of endemic people treated different members of the community. They were embraced and involved in the community. In many parts of the world they were revered, or held an important
spiritual position in the community. The general conscious-ness was that everyone plays a part and is improtant. And yes when we get rid of labels we will be living from our Christ centers and not misguided egos, which are hurt and not forgiving or loving and look to hold back love from others or hurt others buy dening others their right to express as who they are. Personally, there ain't no love like niggah
on niggah love !!!!! but have deep respect for all other expressions. I have had dreams about living in a polygomus situation where the man I love is in a committed relationship with the baby's mama so actually all three of us would have to be committed to the relationship that is. Peace/Love

From cocodlx5@aol.com

i thought at 18 this was a phase, i'd get it out of my system, go on marry a fish and live a straight life. At 19 i found myself actually in-love with a guy for the first time, I didnt think it was possible at first. Then i was like "fuck it" I had to assess my life. I was living with my boyfriend, i hadn't thought about pussy, or dated a fish in months so i just "hung it up". I think a lot of people look to bisexuality as being a "step up" from being gay and for some kind of acceptance from straight people. Or to keep from facing the inevitable. I believe people are born this way, and thats just part of realizing youre gay. I'm so glad I didn't keep lying to myself, and others and end up with a kid or something, just to cover my ass in a vain attempt to conform. Personally, I won't pursue any kind of intimate relationship with a bisexual guy just because of the simple fact of them "not knowing which way to point their pecker." To me it entails that if they can't be honest with themselves, how are they supposed to be honest with me? But the "lost ones" you try to befriend or help out of the closet will often turn & throw shade at you. So thats why I don't even fool with them.

From darkomen417@email.msn.com

Hello I am a 38 year old Bi-sexual Black man, I REALLY do have feelings for both sexes. I mean, I can look at a attractive man OR woman and get excited. And have dated both sexes I have fallen in love ( oh oh the "L" word) I think three times. I think that I can answer some questions that are on some of your minds, My "encounters" in each I felt a strong need to be with this person the fact that they were male or female did not matter, I believe that when I do fall in love with the right person be it man or woman, I will be truly happy with that person. I have been in many situations at bars or parties were some one would ask and as soon as I say that I am Bi, it starts all over again. The questions , the arguements, the so-called studies I can tell you the being Bi is a two sided sword (no pun intended). I work in a office and there I see two that I am attracted to. One is a woman and the other a man. I talk to both all the time I think it is just hard for some straight and gay
people to accept us, that we can and do feel that way that we do. We cannot explain why we are Bi no more than anyone can explain why they are gay. If the only thing that is truly different about us all is our sexual orientation, than WHY SHOULD IT MATTER??? well now that I've "talked" your ear off, I'm out.


Peace and much Love
To all my brothers and sisters
darkomen417

From colorbinumbers@geocities.com

Is bisexuality in vogue? No, I dont think it is. I think that people are both fascinated by the idea of it and repulsed by the fear of it. Many people know deep in their hearts that they would love to live as bi people with all that being bi offers, both imagined and real, but they cant see how to do it without shaking up the very fiber of their mental, spiritual and physical being.

Bisexuality seemingly threatens the very social structure we live in. As bisexuals we pose a threat to the traditional tenants of marriage, partnership and sexual availability. We threaten the constructs of male and female relationships and role-playing. Most people are afraid that if they say they are bi they will lose something whether it be political affiliation or familial relationships. When we add to that an already homophobic black culture we increase the fear one thousand fold. If you are gay you can create a life for yourself devoid of any contact with het people. You can also do that in the reverse, not connecting with many gay peeps, but as a bi person who is "out AND black" you experience what true social alienation is all about. Hets refer to you as a mythical creature who spreads AIDs. Gays say you lie and cant be trusted, apparently more than str8 and gay peeps. Black people say we are a compromise to the race AND freaks to boot. Oh and why dont you just go on and admit you're gay while you're at it. Meanwhile there is such a desire within the bi community to project a wholesome image to the world and thus circumvent the fear, that they too create an environment where bi people who do in fact love to date men and women simultaneously have to do so at the risk of being politically incorrect.

Why do we have to have all these rules about sexuality to begin with? Why are we threatened by who someone else is fucking or wanting to fuck? Does it really matter? Well, the insurance companies seem to think so. Government and churches seem to think so. Banks seem to think so. No one wants to have to spend the extra money involved in acknowledging the sanctity of an alternative relationship. Meanwhile most bi folk just wanna have a decent life like anyone else so we hide. There is no community big enough and strong enough to protect most bi folk. Most peeps just want to do there job and go home to whomever they live with to do whatever they do with discretion. Its unfortunate that we have to choose between being honest about who we are and having our lives disrupted, or lying about it and being able to at least hold on to a glimmer of love from somebody.

Im an openly bisexual blackman. I tell the women I sleep with and the men (before I fuck em). Im out publicly in my work and hope to write on the subject soon. Ive put a lot on the line to be who I am and Ive sacrificed a lot. I have opinions about married men not telling their wives but I know different people are in different places, most living in fear.

He who is without sin cast the first stone..........................

From darkmoon@gateway.net

The term bi-sexual means to me that a person who enjoys sex with either sex. I personally know a guy who loves to have sex with women but likes to have sex men. He has told me that he loves women and it's just sex when it comes to men.
I wouldn't called him confused because it sounds to me like he knows exactly what he wants. Now me on the other hand that's a different story. Myself, I love to have sex with men and like having sex with women. I mean I thought once that I
was strictly gay but when I try to just stay with a man, some-thing inside me longs for feeling of me being inside a woman. I don't know you tell me what you think. Please feel free to email me back on this because this is a subject that I love to discuss.

From sweetclev@yahoo.com

I don't really believe that anyone can honestly be bisexual I assume that when someone says they’re bisexual they're really saying that they are not comfortable with being who they are gay and that they want to be what society says is OK. Or the are just sexual opportunist the will lay down with whomever comes by. I don't think its fair I had to make a choice and I would like to meet someone who decided what they like and can live with the choice they made despite the difficulties that are associated with. I am so proud to come to this website because It restores my belief in our gay black brothers. Any real man can state his position and live with the decision to be happy with himself. Has taken one of the essential steps to living a life that will hold as much reward as disappointment. This life is not easy but its worth it somedays. When you are happy with yourself and who you share your life with, you can only get what life has to offer.

From drelowordl@aol.com

I know for sure that I am not an autoritey on such an issue, because I am not gay. but being on the bi side I see a lot of issues that lead me to wonder how can any gay brother go through all of this all the time? And not loose some part of himself in the process I have meet a lot of men that are "BI" and when the chips are down they are not. First and formost brothers need to be real with them selves, and stop trying to live a lie. Most Bi/gay men that I have meet online say things Like I am on the DL or total DL, but will want a pic or a Profile and will not chat, email nor respond without one. How realistic is that? If one can not be true to himself how can he be true to others. I make every effort to be honest and that is one of my greatest faults, Most people say all the time "honesty is the best policy", however they should add as long as it is not directed towards "ME", to that. Because the biggest single problem that Gay/BI men of color face each and everyday of there lives is the like of honesty first with self and then with others. Being honest with oneself will no doubt make this life easy, with so many strikes agaist us; Being Black , Being a Man and Being Gay or Bi on top of that really make for a hard life, much harder than our white counterparts, in simuler situations. To all My Gay and or BI brothers out ther I Adviasie to starting to day be 100% honest with yourself and then move on to others and see what a differents that will make.

From DWA5213060@aol.com

Coming to terms with one's sexuality is frighten, especially if all of a sudden something such the though/fantasty of being with a man becomes reality, and it is quite enjoyable, I myself consider myself bi-sexual, at times it is a lot to deal with, one moment your loving a woman all your life and know your making passionate love to a man, beleive me it's scary. I have learned to love the person for who they are instead of because they are a male or female.

From anonymous 

nope, i think it is possible to be attracted to both...what happens is that when you are with a brother you are totally focused and into him...but when you are with a sister you are totally focused and into her. I have never let the twain meet. I have fallen in love with brothers though but I have a woman whom i am committed to and deeply in love with and is my kids mother and has been my steady for more than 20 years. I have had feelings for both men and women and have been to bed with both. You just have to be careful. I know it sounds very confusing but if you are in this situation you know how to handle it. i guess I have turned some brothers off because I cannot develop a strong relationship with a single gay brother because he will not go thru this shit with me...and I cannot blame him. My heart has been broken a few times.

From Bboy70@hatmail.com

Well, I think it is great. Nature has created a great many species to fill this planet. The decision to be gay or bisexual is just a small piece of the puzzle. When I was growing up, I realized Iwas attracted to both sexes. I did not distinguish between the two. I think it is just the same as being gay-it is who you are.I think we as sexual beings get to caught up and scared of thingswe have no control over. To the sister in reference to the end ofour race: Check your history. We have been around a longer time thatanyone and will be here period. What did you think Egyptians were. They are Africans. We are African-american. I personally just don'tlike the way we got to this country. Back to the Discusion: Therehave always been gays, bies, and heteroes.

Pease!

From joe1953@webtv.com

Re: Being Bisexual
As far as I am concerned the more diversity the better. I am gay. I prefer being called gay to being called homosexual. Being gay connotes a sexual connection, a social, an emotional connection. If, this is the experience of a bisexual person i.e., he or she is able to able to connect at many levels with his or her partner of either sex,I say great. There are a lot of straight and gay men and women who would accept you. But if you define being bisexual in only sexual terms then you short change yourself and your partner of either sex. Perhaps it is a good idea to consider a new name for your sexual orientation. Just don't use the term bipolar. By the way, I am single and interested in meeting someone new "maybe"--just a little bisexual humor I hope.

From Tricie7@aol.com

I think that being Bi-Sexual is a punk-out! I also believe that if you are going to do something you should do it 100% there is no in between. Don't ride the rail! Make that choice! My next comment is how can we be a strong Black Race carry on a greatness if all you strong black men are sexing each other. How can the black women keep our race going if all you guys are kissing each other? I just don't understand.

Please know that I am not a basher. I just need to understand how we are going to continue to exist if black men are constantly after each.

Where will our race end up with AIDS taking us all out. Especially those of you that are Bi. Y'all seriously need to make that choice. And before anyone gets too heated I'm not saying that you guys are the cause of the illness. We all know the government is mad scientist behind that.

Just help a confused sister understand, because the way I see we will be a race no more. That more than anything scares me.

From BLKRAM@SBIS.COM

"I don't feel that a man is confused because he may enjoy sex with both a male and a female. Sometimes a women can't understand where a man is coming from,like another man can. And women are always saying that they need to talk with another woman to be understood. The pressure that exist on men in general and particularly the Blackman is incredible. Sometimes men who never thought they were into other men will find themselves with a man as a means of escape from the pressures of a male/female relationship. Women are very demanding and men who spend time with other men are relaxed and they find peace in their company. Some guys just don't want all the baggage that comes with a traditional male/female relationship. I think it is very hard on Blackmen in a world that is constantly putting you down for being Black and then to have to come home to a women who has joined in on the attack is really very difficult to handle. Blackmen are really bonding for the first time since we were taught to hate one another and it often turns into a sexual thing. When you meet someone who totally understands where you are coming from. I love to be in the company of intelligent brothers,and i am not talking about for sexual reasons. Blackmen in my opinion, are the most misunderstood of all the men on earth and we tend to be finding understanding with each other and we want to hold onto that feeling. I never in a million years thought that i would be attracted to a man,but here i am and it is a very strong need for me to be with a Blackman. I love Black women too,but they can't really understand me like a Blackman can. I think really when a Blackman sexes another brother he is really saying man i love you,because i love myself and GOD loves us all. We have hurt each other for so long as Blackmen,we stoped and realized that each other is all we really have. Thanks for this chance to tell what was in my heart. And just for the record i am married to a fine looking sister.

From anonymous 

I must admit I Am Confused by the focus of the Bisexuality discussion. The focus seems to be on promiscuity/polygamy and not on Bisexuality as an equally valid form of human expression. Some gays cheat. That does not mean that homosexuality is an invalid form of human expression. Some "straights" cheat. That does not mean heterosexuality is an invalid form of human expression.
Some "bi's" cheat. That does not mean... You get my drift?  Maybe the real discussion should focus on monogamy versus polygamy. It seems to me that this is the real debate and perhaps more useful in the long run than arguing about Linaeus type classifications.

From emboucher@hotmail.com

I am a thirty-six year old married man( 14 years) with four kids. I am bisexual. Needless to say, my wife does not agree with my sexuality although she was told three years before we were married. I sincerely thought and hoped that I would changed. Well, I have'nt changed as far as my sexuality goes..The only change is that I have learned to appreciate and love roughneck guys. To my surprise, there are many of these men who truely like being catered to by the men who like them. At least, in New Orleans, I've been in relationships with twelve of these men and am currently in one now going  five years. I'm plesed to know that there is company like yours that profiles the only type of man for me. Keep up the good and interesting work.

Bill

From hjohnson@xula.edu

Some bi men are not confused, but I would admit to the hiding and secrecy. I say that they are not confused because a 'natural'bisexulaity is instrinic to being human. That is, all of relationality has a element of sexuality, sexual energy. Genitally speaking, this bisexuality is responded to depending to the level of freedom and ease which the individaul has. Of course other factors come in; inhibitions or freedom shaped by cultural gropu, religion, masculine socialization.

From anonymous

What I think about is that really there is not such bi-sexuality. You are or you are not. In most of the cases you are Gay. That is it. The fact that you can have sex with a female is not probing anything. You just want to be with guys in your mind and soul. Unfortunatelly the society is not allowing anybody to show the real feelings. I think that is a really bad problem. This implaies lack of loyalty and therefore society destruction. Children for what? with what kind of example, lies and infidelity? Please if you want to talk with me about this phenomenum, I will appreciate to write to me back and possible to take lunch to talk. Finally, I can understand that you are living in a gail, because you want to find out this situation an probably you can not talk with your people about. I will check this site tomorrow. 4/11/99.Buy the way I am not a queen. Just in case! Thank you i will talk to you later.

From ebony.prince@mailexcite.com

It is a good thing to note that bisexuality really does exist. It is not easy to understand what being gay is all about, particularly if you're not gay. The lifestyle is not clear-cut, nor are the feelings. The whole aura of being gay is one that makes it unique. It isn't black and white all the time. Sometimes it dictates this, other times it dictates that.
Yes, bisexuality is different but because many gays themselves cannot understand it, those who live it are labelled "confused". If truth be told, those who are doing the labelling are really the ones who are confused. Confused about whether or not they should be investing their energies into criticizing or trying to learn.
Many of us have fought and fought for our very own gayness to be accepted and treated with respect. We have urged others to open their minds and not limit them because of a lack of understanding, or because they aren't in the same situation. In understanding bisexuality, or at least in making the first step toward doing so, it is good for us to practice what we preached. Who better to find out answers to our questions than from those who lead bisexual lives? Even if we chose not to condone or agree with it, seeing as we all have freedom to make choices, then it wouldn't be that we closed our minds to it before we even knew about it.
I personally am not bisexual, but if intimacy with both sexes is what moves another, then that is every bit as unique as being gay. Not confused, just unique.

From anonymous

I hope that you are still responding to the emails. I know for a fact that all men no matter gay nor str8 have sexual thoughts about other men visversa for woman. But lets face it most men tend to put aside the thoughts and look what they have in front of them. But the truth of the matter is that love to me is someone you want to spend your life with and you will love and protect them and all ways be with them but when you have sex with another man.... What is that, that right there is having and feeling good and making your partner feel good. Sex is no more wrong then right. You can do it with anybody is long as you love the woman or man you are with. That is what Bisexual mean's to me.

From MINI300@WEBTV.NET

Okay, speaking from experience. I find bisexualiy to be to real in my life. I'm a married man, I also have a friend. It's okay, there is no deceit, but there is mutual respect. (I being the center, need to maintain some sort of balance. (It's a long story) BUT IT IS REAL!!!!!!!!!!!

From alcohol_king@hotmail.com

I hope you're still taking responses to the bisexuality question, because I've got something to say.
It seems like many of the brothers responding to the article are trying to soften the blow of being bisexual but continuously stating the fact that they like both males and females, and this is okay. But, who are they trying to convince, us or themselves. Is it a reassurance that they need to keep telling themselves so that they won't be classified as gay or is it true? I have to agree with two of the brothers comments I've read, the comment made by ME NV UY and the one from the smart brother who classified us all as homosexuals. Whatever you have to do in this lifetime, do it for you. If people want to call you gay then let them because life is too short to be doing the pet monkey dance to the beat of society's fucked up off beat organ. With this being said, and readiness for comments from the debate master, I can tell you that I am one hundred percent into both males and females, and I say this because I am. Before I can be honest with anyone else I have to be honest with myself and claiming to be attracted to both men and women(my predilection changes like the weather from time to time)is the first step to finding out who I am. Does this mean I'm gay? Obviously. There ain't that many straight brothers screwing other guys now, is there. Does this mean that one day I'll just stay with only men? Who knows. I'm only twenty years old and I have a lot of life to live, God willing. All I can say on this issue is that as far as me being confused about who I am, there is no doubt in my mind who I am. As far as being confused about what I want? I can honestly tell you that I don't know. If I could live the rest of my life with a husband and a wife I would, but sometimes you have to make choices that affect your life immensely. So until then I'll just be living my life the way I want to, waiting for that day to come, and when it gets here, I'll be true to myself because you can run from everyone elses accusations and second guessings except your own. With experience comes maturity and I hope I'm granted both.

keep it real(and don't baste me too hard)
Ben

From assfreke27@aol.com

Hi guys.
I made a mistake of falling for a bisexual guy, or rather a guy who claimed to be bisexual last summer(he told me he hadn't had sex with a women since the breakup from his girlfreind which was five years ago, and said he had taken a break form dating women,yeah right). I did this even though for all my life, I promised myself to never get involved with a man who could not say he was gay and was comfortable with it(but he was just so fine!).
Well, the relationship ended in disaster. I saw it coming from day one, but I think I thought I could be the one to make him realize the truth. What killed me the most was this constant talk of being confused and not being able to make up his mind about what he wanted. It sounded like the only reason he wanted to be with a woman so that he could have a biological kid. My response was to not be so vain,and realize that there are plenty of children on this earth who could benefit from being adopted(which is something the whole world needs to consider if we are ever to evolve into a better functioning society:taking care of the unwanted and abused).His confusion was only a coverup. He was just a very wishy washy person, who really didn't want to commit to anything. That is what I think about bisexual men.All this bullshit about "I can be monogomous with only one person at a time despite their sexuality" is a lie. It is in their nature to want to sneek and get the other,because they find it exciting. I wish" bisexuals" would cut to the chase and just admit that they are turned on by anything that moves,and that their behavior in not conducive to a stable relationship.The guy I was with told me he cheated on his girlfriend with guys for years, and I know in my heart he would have cheated on me with whoever came on to him. Let's all say bye-bi to bisexuals.

From Broyboy25@aol.com

People who claim to be bisexual and act on it and continue to decieve their partners, if in a committed relationship, are the most selfish people who walk the earth. If they loved the one they were with, and upheld fedelity, then any desires to sleep with others should rest as just that,desire. Straight men who are marrie doften desire to sleep with other women, some cheat, and some don't. I have never come across a forum of straight men discussing how they want to cheat and sleep with other women,because that forum would be silly. I am tired of men using bisexuality as an excuse to lie and cheat,and be dogs.

From rodren@yahoo.com

Yo check I have almost driven myself crazy tring to figure out why I feel this way about a person that has the same thing I got. I been in church all my life and have wresled with the fact of being gay. But I have made up in my mind that I like what I like. I don't have know type of Devil in me. I'm just me yo. I like niggas. Tired of all these preacher in the church telling me I got a devil in me. When come to find out they like the same thing I like. Yo it's sicking.I don't belevie God made me this way I think it is just the way I started to feel after a while. Yes I like my black sistas but I like the Brothas 2. C an't real think of why. But I know one thing I'm not going to drive my self crazy tring to figure it out. I've done enough of that!!!

From an anonymous speaker

Are Bisexuals confused? "YES" The guys that I have dealt with are. Some are married and are living with a lie, they don't want to hurt their wives. I informed them in the long run she will be hurt more. She will feel that you didn't trust her enough to be honest with her. A lot of times Bi- sexual guys take back veneral diseases to the wives due to unprotected sex. The wife has all the trust in the world in her Man, and therefore doesn't require him to use a condom. That's sometimes where the problem arises at. Some Bi-Guys that I have dated would have sex with their wives and think about having sex with me. They would tell me these things.I don't think that's fair. I do admit that I have slept with them, but they "ALL" informed me that the marriage was a flop and that they wasn't sleeping with their wives any more. I don't know for sure, But Hey I'm not a mind reader. therefore I think some of the brothers are very confused.

From  southern love

on the case of bisexuality, i personally believe that we are all curious about the same sex as well as the opposite sex. Does that make you gay? NO. Does that make you bisexual? NO. It makes you HUMAN. We all are curious about sex and experimentation is in our blood, whether we like it or not. if we do away with labels, i think the issue of who is gay or bisexual or lesbian or straight would all be myths of the past.

From jobsearch@iname.com

Are Bisexuals confused? NO!

Really, there's no such thing as 'gay' or 'straight'; we're a all bisexual and here's my reasoning:

At the far left hand side of a line put the term "homosexusl". At the far right hand side, put the term "hetrosexual." 100% homosexual or 100% hetrosexual does not exist---we're all some where in the middle. Call it black and white if you want;
we're all shades of grey.

Nice site! Wish I could afford to subscribe.

Warren, in Los Angeles...

From  mffrooklyn@aol.com

I personally don't believe in the term bisexuality. For many years I date in high school and the first two years in college women, but men as well. I did it to cover who I was. My last boyfriend was a Puerto Rican male who had spent some time in prison. We dated for about 2 years in and less than 9 months out. Our first encounter told me he really wanted and was attracted to men even though he had a daughter (I have a son). While kissing he because so aroused and during sex he never went down as have happened with men that I've picked up at a hustler bar who were in it for the money. I can't count the many times these men couldn't get aroused for penetration. Because of his shame and the shame it would cause his family to admit he was a man who loved other men we departed. I love women as my sisters, but am not attracted to them in a sexual way. I know there are men who have sex with both, but usually enjoy the sex with men more, but the pressure of society especially with Latino and African Men. It's happening to be bi. I get hit on all the time by women. I'm educated, handsome, intelligent, great job and I even find that it's hard finding a like man of color to date.

From an anonymous speaker


I don't think that bi-sexauals are confused. I think that we are lsexual beings. I don't believve in labeling people. People are all different and noone is above doing anything. Circumstances plays a prt in the choices we make in life.

RoyalHP2@aol.com

I want to address the issue of bisexual men being comfussed. We live in a society whereas anything that we, as a people, collectively do, is considered normal. Anything outside of that "normal" realm is considered to be subnormal or abnormal. NO ONE CAN CONTROL THE WAY ANOTHER PERSON THINKS, ACTS, OR BELIEVES BECAUSE OF THE 1st, and 5th amendments. Basically, we can do whatever as long as it does not infringe on someone elses turf. To these ends, if there are two consenting adults, whether male/male, female/female, or the "normal", that feels the interests and desires of the other person, while maintaining the same for themselves, going above and beyond to please each other, happiness is found. Is that not what we live for?? People are so tied up into everyday events and cares, that they have forgotten what happiness really is. If it pleases a man to be in the warm, loving, caring, tender arms of another man, then he is satisfying his basic needs. Confusion is when you are between to things and not knowing what to do. These bisexual men know exactly what they want and when they want it. It's not complicated. As one singer said, "I am with whomever I want to be with, as long as we both can be satisfied, whether a man or woman." We all should strive to satisfy our needs and desires as well as those of our mates, companions, friends, lovers, or whatever you have termed your relation to be with that special person. On a more personal note, I am a college male, currently living with my lover and his son. I also have a little girl, Ashleyn, who lives with her mother. When I was with her, we had the best of times; when we split, we went our separate ways. I met this guy and we hit it off well and have been together every since. I still take care of my daughter and she visits. These people are not sure what is going on with the person of our nature, so they term it something to say that this is what it is. They have no life and want to be able to rule yours. If we are abnormal, then they are cr!
azy for trying to figure us out. PEACE.

From  blackivry@aol.com

no i dont think they are confused i do however think that it is a combonation of insecurity and lack of support from both family members and friends .
We as black men have been tought that we are supposedto be stronger than the rest to survive and since being gay is look at as being week and less than manly ,
more and more black men are hiding those felings and desires. i being a gay black mail , and 17 on top of that, have noticed that not only do black men and moreover straight black men , have the heavy load of keepingthat away from people butthey /we also have a weight of what people percieve them

From zakky@candw.lc

People use these words such as "confused" to give credence to the societal sanctioning that the only real sex is between man and woman. And most often they quotes these passages in the Bible to suppoprt that view.
Sexuality operates on a continum. But we prefer to see it as extremes: straight on one end and or sick on the other. Where bi or gay ends straight begins.
No bisexuals are not confused. It is only when they abdicate naturalness to society's norms that they confuse themselves. There is nothing wrong in feeling something for men and women at the same time or at different times. Once an individual accepts this and seeks out likmended others, there should be no confusion.

From  jmlyle@yahoo.com

I think, very strongly I might add, that bisexuality is good sign of a very balanced person. I say that because if you think about all persons are bisexual. Grant it everyone is not going to act out their personal level of sexuality (meaning we all may not go out and have homosexual experiences), but we all have the feelings of wanting to be with someone of the same sex. I have meet several people who call themselfs gay, bi, etc. Of those persons who consider themselfs bi, they show signs of muturity, understanding of others, respect of others beliefs, and the list goes on. Those persons whom I have meet and delt with who consider themselfs gay, they are loose, non-caring, screw anything that stands still long enouph, very little if any morals, and that list goes on. I am not making these comments out of angre, I am simply stating what I found to be real when dealing with other people. I wrote a comment about another questions yesterday re: "what I felt about blackmen having a meaningful and "real" rel

From an anonymous speaker

Bisexuality to me:
It seems to me that when everyone speaks of a bisexual as a "confused" individual. Webster defines confusion as "being disoriented and mixed up". I think it is unfair to say that someone is confused because he likes both sexes. I feel that it is a miscarriage of character to say that bisexuals are "confused" and homosexuals and lesbians are not just as "confused" or even more "confused". What about transvestites and transexuals, now there is a two good examples of "confused" groups. There are not sure if they want to be a men or women. In defense of all bisexuals, because I am one myself, we are not "confused" we know what we want and when we want it. I think it takes a great deal of discernment to realize that you need a different type of affection at different points in your life (i.e. low and high) points. Speaking for myself, I feel that when I am frightened or feel lonely I need a strong arms to hold me. When I feel on top of the world, I have the strong arms to hold someone more fragile than myself. There is enough love in every individual to love both sexes. People should take the time to examine themselves and release their true passions. I think everyone should explore their dark passions atleast once. Everyone only has one opportunity to pass through this earthly terrain; you better make the best of your journey.

From an anonymous speaker

Hi, I really enjoyed what ME NV UY@AOL.COM had to say.. I have a feeling that he is not hiding behind the BI thing as most ppl do. I've had a few BI lovers, and the sad thing is that they aren't happy, they cannot be happy, they want a man then they want a woman...just can't make up their minds and worst of all they will always cheat cause they need to have that other one. My belief is that ppl tend to hide behind the BI thing so that they aren't "labeled" by the others as gay. I'm from the Caribbean and here a man can fuck who ever or whatever he wants, as long as he has a woman to go out with...even if he has a kid, after that kid he is a man and seen with any other man, "oh yeah that's his friend, no you kiddin'? he not gay he got a child by so and so woman" Even after divorce and living with a man he will never be gay. To most of the ppl here in the Caribbean gay = not good, BI = ok...
Sstange world we live in.. Me? I'm 200% GAY!!! And loving every minute of it....

 

From an anonymous speaker

Hi!
After reading your comments on the bisexual black male, I am compelled to comment on this issue. Personally, I would prefer a man who considers himself bisexual because I'd feel more like in dating a "man". Certainly other gays may feel totally different about this issue and that is what makes us individuals. My take on this is I would rather my man date females rather than having me compete with another gay guy. A female could give him something that I can't give him and I, on the other hand could give him something that she can't. He could, thereby, have his proverbial cake and eat it too.

Thanks for allowing me to share my view.

yours in health,

rtuc

 

From  SlimTN@aol.com

Brothers who claim to be bisexual are really only deceiving themselves. It is really an attempt to secure a psychological comfort zone to avoid the label "gay" which has very negative connotations. I know because I am one of those brothers who have claimed to be "bi" but really have a craving for intelligent, educated, and masculine brothers. Perhaps sometime in the future someone will invent some kind of device where we can all detect each other without going through the mind games.

 

From  lferreira@rogal.com

HI there, I don't know who you are but this is what i have to say on the subject.
Man , and Woman from the begining of times, been exploring their both sides, because as you know (in evry Man there is a Woman side, and in evry Woman there is a Man side). Is funny how society was more accepting of lesbienism, and how it was alwasy shown as being something exotic, and spice to enhance Mans sexual live. But Man have been doing their thing also seen then, is just that now people are more out there and they 'll talk about things that once before was a big taboo.
I am a very secure Black Capeverdean Man, 6'4", 214 lbs of lean trim, cut , meat, handsome, and fit to the 90s lifestyle in the USA, I don't label myself as gay, bi, nothing, I'm a male and i know what i like when it comes to sex, is just like your apetitte, sometimes you feel like fish, sometimes you feel like meat. you don't label yourself as bi eater or whatever, you just satisfied that need . I hope the futuere is more accepting , low on the labels, and more on just being oneselves. I'm out.

FROM   ME NV UY@AOL.COM

YO YO YO...FELLAS WUT'S UP!!! LET ME FIRST START BY STATING THAT I AM A VERY INTELIGENT YOUNG VIBRANT BLACK MAN AND I CAN HOLD MY OWN IN ANY FORUM. DAT BEIN SAID, MY SHORT HAND WILL BEGIN!! UNLIKE MOST I TRULY HATE USING "LABELS" I AM A STRONG BLACK MAN AND KNOW WHAT IT IS I LIKE AND DON'T LIKE WHEN IT COMES TO SEX. IF I DON'T WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU DEN IT SHOULDN'T MATTER TO YOU HOW I GET DOWN!! IF I DO ON THE OTHERHAND, THEN IT IS MY DUTY TO TELL YOU WHETHER IT BE MALE OR FEMALE MY SEXUAL HISTORY WITHOUT NECCESSARILY BEIN GRAPHIC! I STRESS BEING DUTIFUL BECAUSE IN THIS DAY IN AGE, YOU NEED TO KNOW WHAT'S WHAT AND WHO IS WHO! ALL I ASK IS THAT YOU BE REAL AND KEEP IT THAT WAY. NOT TO SOUND CONCEITED BUT I CAN FLOW IN ANY SITUATION I CHOOSE SIMPLY BECAUSE I'M CRAZY SEXY COOL THAT WAY!! IT JUST SO HAPPENS TO BE THAT WAY, I AM BLESSED TO BE PLEASING TO THE EYES, WHICH IN TURN GIVES ME A LEVY SO TO SPEAK. IN SAYIN THAT I'M NOT CONFUSED, I'M NOT EFFEMINATE, I'M NOT GAY, I'M NOT EVEN BISEXUAL...I'M ME A BLACK MAN DOIN WHATEVA THE FUCK I WANT! I DON'T WALK AROUND WITH MY SEXUALITY ON MY SHOULDER, AND I FEEL IF YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT IT IS I DO, THEN YOU HAD BETTER BE READY FOR THE ANSWER YOU GET! BUT BEFORE YOU EVEN GET THAT FAR, UM GONNA WANNA KNOW WHY YOU ASK. CUT TO THE MOTHAFUCKIN CHASE! I SEE ALOT OF DES BRUHS IN THIS FORUM USIN BISEXUALITY AS A CRUTCH TO DEFEND THEMSELVES FOR CHEATIN, REALLY THAT'S ALL THEY REALLY ARE DOING IF THE ONE OR MORE OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP PARTNERS DON'T KNOW ABOUT THE OTHERS. IF YOU MARRIED AND YOUR WIFE DON'T KNOW U GOT A NIGGA/"BEST FRIEND" FUCK BUDDY...AND YOU KNOW DUDE AIN'T JUST KICKIN IT WITH YOU...THEN YOU PUTIN YOU WHOLE WORLD IN A WORLD O SHIT! STR8 UP! DON'T HIDE BEHIND THE FACT THAT YOU "CAN" FEEL THE FUNK FOR BOTH GENDERS...SO THE FUCK WHAT...IF YOU WIT ONE OF EM...STICK WITH THAT ONE...MY LIFE IS MY LIFE AND NOT FOR ANYONE ELSE TO PUT IN A UNWARRANTED POSITION. I LIKE UM BOTH, I DO EM BOTH BUT IT JUST SO HAPPENS THAT WHOEVER STRIKES MY INTEREST (MALE O FEMALE) THAT'S WHO UM WIT. YOU CAN'T STOP LOOKIN UNLESS YOU BLIND O JUST KIDDIN YOSELF!! JUST CAUSE SOMEONE SAID IT WAS WRONG FOR YOU TO LOOK-LIKE-LUST AFTER A MAN DON'T MEAN U HAFTA LISTEN! WHO MADE DAT MUFFUGGA JUDGE IN JURY? I KNOW I LIKE TA SEE A PHINE ASS BROTHA MUSCLES TITE TO DEATH AND LOOKIN GOOD...SAME AS A WELL KEPT WOMAN..CONFIDENT AND SURE BODY TITE TO DEATH (AND SHE KNOW'S IT) BROTHAS IT'S A STATE OF BEING...WHAT YOU LIKE IS WHAT YOU LIKE AND IF YOU GOTTA TO HIDE AND DUCK CORNERS AND KEEP SECRETS YOU LIVING A LIE...STR8 UP!! I ALWAYS TELL MY FRIENDS DON'T ASK ME NO QUESTIONS YOU DON'T REALLY WANT THE ANSWER TO...CUZ UMMA TELL YA! HOW MANY PEEPS YOU KNOW THAT WILL TELL YOU THE GOD HONEST TRUTH (IF THERE IS SUCH A THING). MY BIDNESS IS MY BIDNESS AND UNTIL I WANT TO FUCK YOU...STEP THE FUCK BACK! I THANK YOU FOR THIS BRIEF INTERLUDE AND HOPE YOU ALL WILL BE ABLE TO DEAL WITH THE DEMONS OF LIFE. JUST BE YOURSELF AND NO ONE CAN FIND FAULT.

Charles from Norfolk

IT IS POSSIBLE TO LOVE BOTH A MAN AND WOMAN.
WHY IS THAT SO HARD TO UNDERSTAND?!!!
I get so frustrated to look an otherwise sensible person in the eyes and have them say, "Oh, you're just confused!" or "You must be gay."

There's nothing WRONG with being gay, but I'm so much more than that. How do you I explain my erection when I see a woman masterbating on a video. How do I explain my enjoyment of holding, smelling and being with a woman? I LOVE women! They have SO much a guy cannot offer. Namely, a softness and mothering---FEMININITY! But I still am very much attracted to a fine-ass, sexy brotha, too. How do I explain that? I can't! It's like trying to explain why you're gay or straight. You can't! You just know you're like that. So, how is loving BOTH considered being confused? I don't understand the connection. Can a straight brotha love two women equally? Of course, he can. Can a gay brotha love two men? Certainly! And I can love a woman and man, equally, too. I'm single now, but when I am in a relationship, I'm monogomous. I believe in fidelity. It's the cornerstone of any relationship worth being called one. There's nothing wrong with looking, though. It never hurt anybody, and I submit that it's normal. As long as you don't act on it. I will admit, it IS much easier to sleep with a man than it is a woman. Guys "trip" much less about a casual encounter. I love a brothas "suave-ness", how cool he is, his body, and the ease with which you can please him in bed. With a woman it takes much more time and effort. But it's worth it, when you really love her. Both men and women offer me things the other can't. I like them for different reasons. But ultimately, for me, I want my OWN children. Who I conceive and raise. Their mother will be my wife and we'll raise them. But in the meantime, I AM SINGLE. And I will continue to enjoy sexual encounters will brothas. I love pussy AND dick!! And I'm proud of it. Are there any brothas out there who understand? It's so difficult sometimes. I OFTEN feel all alone. There are only a couple of people who I can vibe with on this subject. I'm attracted to fine-ass sistas, sexy masculine brothas and cute effeminate ones as well. They ALL give me something different. The masculine brothas can be so sexy and pleasing in bed, but can't give me what I need emotionally. Effimenate brothas can be SUPER sexy as well. But, so many HAVE SUCH ATTITUDES!! I hate that. I'm sure it's just a defense mechanism, though. But it causes alot of arguments. For many of the effimate brothas I've been with, there was not alot of difference between them and many of the girlfriends this cute-ass brotha CAN'T have my baby. He's fun to sleep with. AND EVEN BE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH. But he, too, cannot fulfill me completely.
So, by a process of elimination -- OUT OF THE THREE KINDS OF PEOPLE WHO ATTRACT ME -- I will end up with a woman. Even though, after I get married, my attraction to men will still be there. As will my attraction to OTHER women. I just won't act on it. I get so sick of people saying, "well, what about AIDS?" Shit, what about it?!!! Have you ever heard of SAFE encounters? You know: DON'T SWALLOW ANYBODY'S SEMEN. USE A CONDOM BE SENSIBLE I have no desire to be penetrated. That's not what I want from a brotha. But there's SO much more you CAN do. And I've done it. SAFELY!!! So, it poses NO more health risk to my girlfriends than any other woman would. Duh! I will admit, it WILL be hard to find an open-minded sista out there who understands. That's the hard part. Meeting a woman who will accept ALL of me. I guess I'll just have to find a bisexual woman. Which shouldn't be hard to do. Because, I believe EVERYBODY'S bisexual to some degree. I think if people erased the emotionalism of this debate and REALLY thought about it: EVEN IF YOU CALL YOURSELF STRAIGHT, THERE'S ALWAYS THAT *ONE* BROTHA WHO YOU LOOK AT AND GO, "DAMN, HE'S FINE". THERE *IS* SOMEONE OUT THERE WHO YOU'D SLEEP WITH ON THE DOWN-LOW. AND VICE VERSA. FOR ALL YOU GAY BROTHAS, THERE'S A FEW SISTAS WHO COULD ROCK YOUR WORLD. I'M TELLING YOU. If you're gay and proud OR straight and proud, you should be so knowing that there's A WHOLE UNIVERSE in between. And that's where I exist. And I'm not ALONE, even though it does feel that way.(My brutha I have been accused of being overly harsh in all the forums and as a result I am trying to do things more on the hush so as to not discourage feedback. With this said I must admit that after reading what you sent in I really sympathize with your apparent dilemma but at the same time in many ways you again fall into certain patterns in your belief as to the naturalness of bisexuality and because it is natural to you therefore it is a justified behavior. I must stress the word behavior because as I listen to one bisexual after the next it becomes very clear that at the heart of the issue is the bisexual individual's   struggle with others accepting their pattern of behavior and not necessarily their orientation. Being homosexual is an orientation and therefore is personal and unique to an individual; congenital, and  any patterns of behavior are only secondary responses to environment.  To question a bisexual individual's sexual identity moreso revolves around questioning his or her pattern of sexual behavior and therefore elicits a different response. Bisexuals don't have nor in general voice concerns about their  orientation nor the acceptance thereof. Rather there is an acute defensiveness in regards to the questioning of their behavior. A behavior you all find   must be justified and continually justified as you reserve privileges to yourself that society in general does not reserve unto itself and moreover  finds this reservation of privileges both immoral and insidious. Anyone reading your feedback cannot help but see the poignant cry for help in it. You really lack a center in your sexuality and in the eyes of many this is confusion.)

Response from Charles

Well, let me first say: I LOVE a good debate!!!
Here's the central question: HAVE YOU EVER BEEN BISEXUAL? If not, then how could EVER understand what I feel for both men and women. You can't!!! It's SOOOO hard to explain. And even harder to UNDERSTAND myself. I wish I were not sexually and emotionally attracted to both. Are you WILLING to admit that a man can be EQUALLY attracted? If you are not willing to admit that, then perhaps you are NOT thinking rationally about it. Yes, there are probably not very many people who ARE like me. But, shit, how do explain Siamese twins and hermaphrodites and the other things that are OUT OF THE ORDINARY?! Not EVERYBODY is the same. You KNOW that! Why is this such a big deal? If you have TWO children, do you have to chose? Can you not love them BOTH? I know! Familial love is different from Romantic love, but the principle is the same: LOVE and ATTRACTION are not things that are clear cut, nor formulaic!!! Why does a person like the color blue instead of yellow? How the hell does he know? He just knows what he likes. And God forbid he likes both!!! Oh my God, He's confused then! He should be shot. RIGHT? I know "colors" and people are different, but do you understand what I'm saying? Maybe Gay or Straight bruthas will NEVER understand how someone could be BISEXUAL. Some people CAN'T understand how someone could be GAY. I've heard many idiots say: Gay people are JUST confused straight people. WHATEVA!!! I look forward to your RESPONSE to this response. I'm sure I'll get one. By the way, I'm NOT sensitive. I'm 26 and have debated this for nearly half my life. I've heard it ALL. Said ALL kinds of ways!!! So, you have my permission to say or write what you wish. Just don't be callin' a brutha no names! :o) Or--WORSE-- talkin' about my mama!!! Okay?
Peace,
Charles from Norfolk

(I firmly believe that you are entitled to being anything you choose to be including bisexual. However  you must admit that bisexuality poses   special problems. One of which is the clandestine behavior that usually accompanies it. Most bisexuals are involved in relationships in which there partners are not aware of the other person. Charles you will find that bisexuals rarely date other bisexuals. Ask yourself why? Well one of the main reasons is the pleasure derived from the secretivness of bisexual sex; sex on the edge would be a better  expression for it. Many people enjoy living on the edge and having sex in this manner is only a matter of course. This is fine as long as everyone involved is  aware of the risks. But in most cases this is not the situation.  Bisexuals know all too well how there partners react when they discover the truth.  Gays were guilty of this behavior for many years as well but the gay community having embraced HIV knows full well how really tragic keeping sexual secrets can be. Again I reiterate that most americans arent that concerned about  orientation as much as they are concerned about honesty. And by the way  charles there are more bisexuals in the world than there are heterosexuals and gays believe it or not. However those individuals that choose to label themselves as bisexual  is the  minorty. Ask yourself why?)

A supporter of Charles

I'll tell y'all this much, it is quite impossible to convince some people that bisexuality exists. However, that will not deter me, like Charles says, it is like trying to explain why one is straight, or for that matter gay. Nonetheless, I'll add my two cents worth to this discussion.

Firstly, it is quite frustrating finding people, whether male,or female who will accept you as bisexual. They think that you are one of the closet gays, who pretends to be on thing but is really another. For instance; I've got two girls to whom I am very attracted. However, I am unable to tell them how I feel largely because they suspect that I am bisexual, or at the very least sympathetic to the plight of homosexuals. I find this to be quite frustrating, however, I have decided to persevere in spie of the many challenges.

From Stevee Gee
tresfaim@aol.com
You know being born in America, we are already born into a particular point of view about things. My father "kicked" with fellas in his youth, and after getting out of the service, never really found an interest in being a man again (according to him). I, on the other hand, kicked it with guys and girls since I was seven, and I kicked it with more guys and than girls. Who is to say that is due to a biological disposition toward males, the availability of boys as opposed to girls (I was seven when I first started having sex) or some other reason? I really do not think I find women attractive just because I've been taught I "should." I actually do find a fine woman to be fine... I have actually enjoyed being with a beautiful and sweet woman. I can also honestly say I find being with a man more alluring and fun for me. I've thought about it and wondered, especially with some of my more "masculine" female partners, if I was always wanting to be with a man anyway. But then, I've honestly missed the actual experience of clitoral play and the more generalized way a woman gets off in bed. I believe there are different degrees which a man or woman CAN be 1) oriented and/or 2)involved with another man or woman. I am definitely oriented toward both the male and female sexuality and sensuality, but I am not involved with both. Like previous speakers have noticed, the issue here is not a simple black/white issue. If we force it to be so, we will miss a lot of the richness and various flavors we find people experiencing. In fact, like the forum leader has pointed out in other discussions, the white society has put this kind of labeling upon us... our heritage is not one of "are you this or that." Most African cultures have a rich combination of relationship and sexual diversity in how people relate to one another. There aren't just strait, gay and bisexuals... maybe there are all kinds of ways people can be attracted to each other, and all kinds of ways that attraction can be expressed. Let's open up our minds instead keep forcing ourselves and each other into this box or that one. Sure it looks like others and myself that are attracted to or have sex with both genders are confused. But that's because the boxes that are available for us to fit in are so small and limiting that we look "out of place." Maybe there should be 1) more boxes, 2) no definite boxes at all or 3) more acceptance of the adaptability of human nature. Just like a so-called strait person can learn to enjoy being with the same gender (jail, military) a so-called gay person I'm sure can enjoy the other gender... it's not that big of a stretch. Why do we feel so threatened by being able to relate to both? Why can't that be a good thing? I choose not to relate to women that much because I meet very few who are open-minded enough to deal with my love and appreciation for being with a man.... which I will not give up for anyone. Neither will I give up my love and appreciation for being with a woman just because some gay person feels I am wrong or confused or feels threatened by who I am and how I feel and choose to relate. Actually, we need to get a grip on why have such limited ways of thinking. (sorry but I gotta say that uptight, socially-controlling, hypocritical and uncompassionate church teachings have a lot to do with it.) MUCH PEACE TO Y'ALL LOVELY ASS MOTHAFUCKAAAAAS! (I have read your various comments in each forum and a brutha is impressed with your writing poise and your candor. Thanks)

LIMEKEY@AOL.COM
The issue you've raised is a very complicated one, as so eloquently evidenced by the variety of comments received. I won't get philosophical, but let me state MY facts. I am a 47 year old Black man. I have been married for 21 years to a beautiful Black woman, and have been in a committed relationship for the past 18 years with a Black man, who has been married to a Black woman for 28 years. We both have three children and are serious, involved fathers. We also live in different states--which probably accounts a lot for why it has worked. Over these past 18 years, we have dealt with a lot of issues, including the most recurring one of loving our wives, not wanting to hurt them or the children, and dealing with the commitment to, as one of your respondents said, "forsake all others" which we made during our weddings. And we continue to handle the issues, and help each other stay strong. I am not confused in the least. I am attracted to men and women, and I can, and do, enjoy making love to both. I get something from women that I don't get from men, and vice versa. And I certainly do not need approval from those men who consider themselves straight or gay. I do what works for me, and am at all times conscious of my responsibilities as a husband and father. Bottom line, we all have skeletons in our closets, and would better serve our communities if we make an honest effort to understand and just accept each other, rather than falling into the same discriminatory bag as the Caucasian in assuming that somehow one is better than the other. (I commend you on the gravity of your feedback and it is encouraging to hear from a mature black male. However in your own way you lend credence to the "Confusion Theory" by statements alluding to the fact that you and your male partner are still "handling the issues" after 18 yrs. and you have not found the way to get around the dishonoring of the wedding vow that you made to forsake all others. This points to a lack of resolution which is in itself an indication of confusion or at the very least a sign of continual denial . In addition you seem to refer to your bisexual nature as a "skeleton in the closet." This reveals that you are unable to be fully honest with everyone in your lives. Again it seems that bisexuality is in many ways quite secretive and stealthy and because of which the potential to damage many lives always looms and takes on a certain imminence. I have been involved with females in committed relationships and yet I never felt the need to label myself as bisexual because I knew that it is in my nature to love men. But unlike animals we can make conscious decisions to love whomever we choose and I made it priority to reveal to my female partners that I was homosexual. Speaker you never referred to yourself as bisexual thus I cant fault you on the labeling issue but I do call you on your covert tendencies and your stealthy way of life!)

Rebuttle from LIMEKEY
Brother, I assumed from the fact that the topic< bisexuality appeared in a area termed "forum" that it's purpose was to encourage those tapping inot the site to communicate and share their experiences and thoughts. I certainly didn't respond to the issue in search of your "guidance" or approval. Such feedback isn't my understanding of a forum. You raised the issue, now let the brothers use it, without this psuedo-psychology from you, whether you are certified/licensed or not. That's o.k. though, I won't visit this site again. Perhaps instead of labeling it a forum, it would be more appropriate to call it "Dr. Ruth." (First I sincerely apologize speaker because you seem to be very wounded by the response to your feedback. Also I would like to take the time out to point out something about the forums at Da Site. These forums are no holds barred my brother! In reality no one really wants to hear about your 18 yrs of bliss. My readers want to see a fight! They especially love to see a good bash. I have been bashed so badly in these forums at times until I even considered removing the forum feature all together. But I had to be a man and take it!And in doing so I have begun to question some of my beliefs and also I am becoming aware of beliefs that seem harmless to me but in reality can be very hurtful to others. As a result I am working on building up my tolerance and understanding for people of other races and men who secretly wear panties to work. My brother if you cant stand the heat then get out of the kitchen. I have white speakers that can take and give it better than you can without running off with their tails between their legs my brother! Please dont respond to this forum if you arent prepared for the response you may get in return!)

From Jon Man
Mach-9@msn.com
I am a bi-sexual male who has had a monogomous relationship with a man and a woman. In these relationships I was able to feel emotionally and mentally satisfied with them. It was not that I got tired of being with a man and decided, "hey now let's try something different." It just so happened that the next person that I became interested in was a woman. I feel that the real frustration that my gay brothers and sisters have with bi-sexuals, is that in an open or public sense, they feel that bi individuals don't recognize that they can have the same feelings for a person of the same sex, as they would for a person of the opposite sex. I personally love my black brothers, as well as the male gender as a whole (and will state if asked). But I do, however, have these same feelings for the female gender. It's not confussion, because to me the only true difference in these two relationships, is the sex, and no one should build a relationship just on that.

Also, as for bi-sexuality being a choice. It's not, because no matter what one feels, they are still attracted to the same sex. The only choice, as in any relationship, is to stay faithful to the one you're with. So this does not mean that, "because I am bi, I can still mess with women, even though I am seeing a guy; because that's not cheating, he just doesn't fullfil all of my desires." Well it is, even if the person is of a different sex, you're still not being true to your partner. Because with any relationship, one may have to give up something in order to achieve a greater fullfilment. This does not mean deny your feelings for someone of the same or opposite sex, but be wary of them. Because who can say that they have had a relationship in which every one of their desires have been met (if you can, then I applaud you).

To make a long story short, as long as your are open and honest from the very beginning in your relationship (and not those freak fests, to see if you can get your nut off, but a real relationship) then there won't be a problem. Because love is so complex and diverse an emotion, who's to say your feelings are not true. (You have presented one of the more believable insights into bisexuality. I am sure many of the visitors to this page will find your ability to flip flop both and forth completely unfathomable but that doesn't not preclude that what you say isn't plausible)

From Pharaoh

Greetings.

In reference to your topic on bisexuality, you asked the question are bisexuals confused? Well, from my stand point, I am not confused. I am confident in my humanist. I have been this way all of my 36 years of life. At this moment in time, I am involed with a wonderful woman who knows all about me because I told her. I am the type who is up-front, in-your-face, honest person. See accepts me for me. Belive it or not, there are a lot of females who are not covear girls They know of their men sexual desires and are cool with it. I know of five couples in which this situation is current.

Also, I would like to point out, that I am so tired of hearing that men, bi,or ( I like to use the term sexualy free) are always made the scapegoat when it comes to the issue of "There are not enough good black men to go around" First off, there are always more females in a given society. You must remember that males are more expendable than females. We go off to war and die and shit like that. In addition, nature has always maintain this balance.Second, as you pointed out, women want rich black men. Therein is where the lament of there are not of good men to go around come from. Lastly, the satement of good men is false. The pool of men, rather straight, sexualy free, gay, bi are always entering the market place (single & free).We all know the saying, another men knows what a man wants when it comes to sex. As far as sex is concern, sex with men is raw sex with me. What I mean by this is: as men we just want to get a nut and call it a day. When I engaage in sex with men, it is normally mutually masterbation. Even before HIV/and AIDS can on the sceen, I always consider what I did safe. I've let
one guy try to penetrate me once when I was younger. Needless to say, I did not like it and have not engage in that particular type of sex since.
I don't know why I am sexually free--I see people as human beings and not as a sexual orientation. However, I have my theory. I theorized that since my father divorced my mother when I was young, I never had the oportunity to bond with him--physical & mental. This lack of bonding has mainfest itself into sexual contact with members of my sex.

Oh, yes let me jump back to the HIV/AIDS issue. You know it's funny that when Magic Johnson announced that he was HIV +, and went on the Arsino Hall show,people appauled him. Now, tell me from that show it was like the people said "ok, we know your not gay and you got HIV from a women, it's ok" What kind of message did that send out to people? Personally, I think he dabbled a bit, but I am one not to gossip, so you did not hear it form me. Funny, the other basketball player who had over 20,000 women nerer caught anything!!

If a men were to see many women, he is praised, even if he had unprotectded sex. Howeve, when a man sees other men and women, he is consider wrong. What is the diffrence? Nothing. it's not about who you have sex with. It's about what behavior you have sex in, peroid.Finally, let me say this. I had the opportunity to visit Egypt. While I was there, I went to the Cario musume of history. ne thing that stuck in my mind was how the statues of some of
the Pharaoh's looked feminin from below the chest. I ask my tour guide why. He explained to me that in order to
be a God, the Pharaoh's embraced male and female traits. And that some of the Pharaoh's were indeed bisexuals.I have much more to say. Next time...PEACE enjoy the planet. (Thank you for such an in depth response speaker. Whenever I encounter bruthas on the mutual or group masturbation kick it nevers ceases to amaze me. I guess I am baffled as to how two men could be in a loving relationship and just masturbate in front of each other!)

From kgrant@nmff.nwu.edu

On the subject of bi-sexuality, I feel that one can "truly" be bi-sexual. I personnally do not like to classify myself
with any "labels", but if you must use a term to describe my sexual orientation bi-sexual works fine. I am 31 and it took me a long tiome to realize that I am attracted to both sexes. I have had quite a few relationships with both sexes and they all had there positives and negatives. I find myself attracted to the "person" regardless of sex. I must admit that I find the male body more appealing than the female. I grew up with four sisters and I was the only boy, so I saw the female body a lot and I guess unconsciously grew uninterested in it. But , I never seem to lose interest in the male physique. Don't get me wrong, there are "portions" of the female form I enjoy, but overall the man always gets a rise out of me. I am really into faces of both sexes, and overall personality. I never pigeon hole myself with a "perfect" type of person I am looking for. I leave my options wide open. To end I really believe that if the religion and social rules were not so stringent, there would be a lot more open bi-sexuals in the world. I did say OPEN. (Again with bruthas that identify themselves as bisexual you imply that social and religeous factors shape's or somehow determines one's orientation. This view is what causes many str8t people to dicredit any life style that is not heterosexual. I myself find certain women attractive and from time to time I will get with some fine honey but I am enlightened enough to know that I am not bisexual. Having sex with the opposite sex doesnt change what one is inside. My thing is if you call yourself bisexual which you are entitled to do just make it clear to others with whom you may become involved that you swing both ways.)

From Jmccall@vm.temple.edu

Yo, I read some of the views of the different brothas. Let me just say from my own experience being bi-sexual is not all its cut outto be, or fun in any way. Im 19 and I just recently lost my virginity to another man. It wasnt exspecting it to happend. Ive always thought of my self as being on a fence. On one side there are men on the other side there are women. I gain equal satisfaction fromphysically and mentally from both. Its just now Im getting every
thing I want in a relationship from a man. I still feel the same way about woman, and Im very much attracted to them. Sometimes I feel Im gender nuetral, but most black woman aint having that shit. If you been with another man you gay!, case close. But on the other hand a man that loves you, and your more than just fuck-buddies like you find alot in the personals then he's not having that. Currently, I have alot to think about now. The thought of me being just a fuck budy to my lover, him moving to D.C., his age (34), and now a lack of communication. I know I tend to babble, but I have so many questions because I dont know how to be with another man. Plus, Im begining to get comfortable around him, and Im getting used to him. But then I see my self a few years from now wondering if I'll be with a man or a woman. Or will I just be some kind of pervert for the rest of my life sticking anthing that has a hole. (<chuckle> Its bruthas like you that make me wonder... Why would you just seemingling out of the blue start kicking it with a male and furthermore I never cease to be amazed at how suprise bruthas like you seem to be after you do it. Did you wake one day and I say I think I want to get with a man?)

From KG038@msn.com (Choklutfl@va)

The previous comments have been rather enlightening to me as far as the qeustion of bisexuality is concerned. I have often wondered if there are guys who are truly attracted to both men as well as women, but I guess the testimony of the guys in here, who claim to be attracted to both sexes must mean that there odes exist such men. I do not consider myself bi-sexual even though I am sexually aroused by men as well as women (and have been involved in relationships with both. This is because my true love is for men, for sexual as well as emotional purposes. I believe that it is only with a man, that I can find true fulfillment. But then again, it is not just with any man, and there are many men who I don't find attractive even though I am capable of engaging in sexual encounters with them. In much the same way, I feel that it is only with a fellow black man that I can find true fullfillment. That is not to say that I am not capable of engaging in sexual intercourse with a non-blak man. My point being, that we all probably posses the capability to engage in sex with different genders. However not all of us who do so, may choose to define ourselves as bi-sexual. My article could go on and on forever, purely because this is not a simple issue, with a simple answer. Different people may choose to engagein bi-sexuality and to define themselves thus for many different reasons, but the overall issue is that all it is is a definition. My point is that it is purely an issue of labels. What is important is that we all need to accept each other, being men who love men, because, we are no better than the lynch mobs, when we are incapable of even accepting variations within our very midst. Genes, jeans, homo, fag, bi, bye - all labels, and labels of label, all is just labels!

From an anonymous speaker

Truly, only another man knows what it is a man likes; women, you're just guessing.

From an anonymous speaker

I am a "gay" man but I don't consider myself gay. Just Victor. I am in love with a "bi-sexual" man but I just think of him as my companion. As a minister and my companion and I being called to the ministry I am teaching and learning that we put so much emphises,? on what others think of us instead of what we think and know of ourselves. Being realistic, my lover still admires and is attractted to women. What so un-natural about that. So my suggestion to him is if that is how you truly feel and you feel you must forfill that need then you should seek to find a Bi-sexual woman. Someone, who can understand you as a whole. Someone who knows you have a companion that fills one desire but cannot fill another. This way, you will not have to be secretive or confused as to who or what you are. My son was concieved in a three way relationship between my male and female lovers. To this day is is comfortable with the fact he has two fathers. And no identity crisis about his sexuality. Please take a look at the article below. It's quite long. However, it was written by (to my knowledge) a straight minister who is deceased. But it seems to answer the questions so many "straight, gay, bi" and the like have. Please feel free to forward you comments to me. And remember, You are WHO you are not What you are

May God Continue to Bless

First of all speaker you didnt leave an email address to have comments forwarded to. Second I am choosing not to post the semonette you sent only because it would have indeed generated many comments none which would have been relevant to the topic at hand. I am beginning to get a deluge of religeous materials. However I must remind some of you that this is not the Old Tyme Revival Hour nor Bible study; that is not to say I wont post comments with a biblical reference but if necessary I will develop a section on the site for all of you Holy ghost filled fire baptized tongue speaking floor rolling bruthas because I do recognize the power of prayer! Yall dont wanna hear me! Amen anyhow.

Beloved Bruh,

Please forgive me for not posting my return mailing address. As for the sermonette. I am sure if you had taken the half the time to read the article, you took to make and write the dennoucing, condecending and degrading comments made about sermonettes in general. I believe if your readers would have had a chance to read it for themselves they would have observed a wonderful discovery about the male and female in all humanity. My ministry will never be one to dennouce anyone for anything. All I wanted was for those who were trying to sort through the confusion of Bi-sexuallity (No you didnt go there...Uh Oh bruh) to be assisted in bringing a sense of balance to their lives. Knowing that all humanity was created Bi-sexual in nature and it was only by disobedience that our sexuallity was defined.However, May God Continue to Bless and Keep you anyhow. And remember, Sin May Not Send You to Hell (saved by grace), But It May Bring Hell to You.

One Love, Through Christ
Princevictor@hotmail.com

Please email Princevictor by clicking here to request the sermonette. I apologize for my comments and would like to take the time to express my sincere desire that you respond to all who may request that you provide them with a copy of said material.

From emperorjones@hotmail.com

Your bisexuality article was annoying. Not only did it imply that bisexuals were bigger hoes than straight or gay folks, but that somehow HIV is spread by lusting bisexuals more than any other group. If I say that gay men are
less men than bisexual men and that straight men are not living up to their sexual potential I'd sound just as crazy as your commentary sounds. The only difference is that we've gotten used to hearing this from gay and
straight folks. (You strike me as the kind of bruh that likes to hear himself talk....Well here is the opportunity to tell it like it really is. If what is in the commentary is crazy then send in the rational viewpoint your Highness!)

Rebuttle from emperorjones@hotmail.com

People like labels. They like to be able to say something is good or bad, black or white, whatever. Reality doesn't work like that. There's a whole lot of "in between." Gay and straight people have a unspoken understanding that you're either one or the other, and everyone feels safe and comfortable. But if I like women and get with guys, then another guy who likes women has to deal with the fact that his liking women doesn't necessarily mean he won't get with his boy. Likewise, if being gay is your life, then an ex- going to a woman is going to be taken as something more than the relationship just not working out. Especially if you figure you're "born that way", it messes with you to have a guy say, "no, it's something I choose." Maybe being gay makes guys feel like there's a whole way of life (and benefits) that's denied them and get mad thinking that bi people can get the best of both worlds. I don't know why folks get upset, but isn't it ironic how gays argue that they should have the right to love who they want, but want bi people not to have that same right? If Indians said, "Stop discrimination against us, but f- what happens to black people," black folks would trip. Well, that's what you're doing to bisexuals. It's wrong. Hell, I don't know too many "gay" brothas who haven't got children or had sex with women on numerous occasions. So do they get this kind of flack, or are they okay as long as they swear never to do it again? PS-"emperorjones" is in honor of one of my idols, Paul Robeson (but yeah, I think it's sweet, too) [Very aptly put but there are greater issues here than what you seem to realize. The crux of making society accept gay people rest upon the fact that being gay is not a choice. Having sex with the opposite sex doth not a bisexual make but thinking along this line as presented by bisexuals shows me that the root is bisexuality rest more in sexual desire than in orientation and desire is as changing and as fleeting as the wind and yes if my companion left me for a woman I would question his intial intents and desires to be in a relationship with a male, because of which, after all none of us like being made to feel that we are stepping stones ]

Rebuttle from emperorjones@hotmail.com

You say that the whole deal with having straight people accept homosexuality is based around it being something inborn, not a choice. I think the whole "how can straight people accept us" discussion is a strange one, but let's put this in a different context. There was a time when left handed people were classified as criminals. The Bible was used to condemn them. It took a long time before it was accepted that some people were born that way and that it was okay. Still, there were people who were ambidexterous, who could choose and might be right handed in drawing, but left in writing. In fact, we can recognize that ambidexterous people are born with the ability to choose if they're going to be left or right handed, they're born with a choice that some people don't have. That didn't take away from the fact that the abuse lefthanded people were suffering was wrong. Why can't the "straight acceptance" issue be dealt with by saying consenting adults can do what consenting adults want to do? Plain and simple. None of your business if I'm genetically inclined for anything. I might be genetically inclined to be allergic to wool, but there's no need to know if I'm allergic to it or I just don't like it, if you know me, you know not to get me a wool sweater. The alleged genetic reasons for being gay or straight or bi are not as important as respecting the fact that someone simply IS and should be respected. But I figure you disagree. I want to know why...if you don't mind?

(You seem to be inclined to waive away the ability of the heterosexual's community which really represents the mothers and fathers that cant accept their gay children and the religeous right that believes we are cursed by God, to affect the gay community adversely. This is foolish. Two so called consenting gay male adult wanted to marry legally in The United States what happened? Some very large corporations such as disney and american airlines wanted the partners of gays to be extended health benefits what happened? And you that say you dont understand the "how can straight people accept us" discussion. You have no idea how badly the straight world would love to believe that being gay is a choice. Furthermore your status as a bisexual only further disqualifys and clouds your judgement about the true plight of gay bruthas and sistas tryin to make bruh! You simply have no concept of the power of the dicrimination and ignorance that you give license to just by the statements that you have made)

Sorry. I guess as a man who loves men, I assume, maybe too much, that I have an understanding of what it's like to be gay. I remember times when someone would make an anti-gay comment and I'd tell them, "If you have problems with gays, then have a problem with me. What's your issue?" Maybe my being bi helps me to be as vocal about some things as I am. Maybe I'd be more nervous about the reaction I'd get if I was gay. There are any number of "gay" issues that I may never have to contend with, and you've helped me recognize that. Still, being bi does not mean being any less capable of love for another person, male or female. The discrimination a man feels because he loves another man doesn't feel any better knowing that if he ignored his love he might be "accepted" (the wrong word, if you've got to deny your heart). You do realize that a lot of 'straight' people who are promoting domestic partnerships are bi as well? And someone who uses people in a relationship can be gay or straight as well as bi. Scapegoating is scapegoating, no matter who does it. When you deny your bisexual brothers and sisters what you fight for, it only serves to distance a *lot* of us from you. That's not what we want, but if our gay and lesbian
brothers and sisters want that, then what kind of choice do we have? Again, I apologize for any offense I may have made in the course of trying to prove my point. That was NOT my intention. This is meant just as a message to you, Mr. Sewell. If you want to post it, fine, but I think folks may be getting tired of our discourse. I just wanted to give you my sincere, if long winded, apology. (I accept your apology on behalf of all the gay brothas and sistas. However the object of this forum is not to isolate the bisexual community but to educate it about the true nature of homosexuality! I apologize if any of my statements are being misconstrued as divisive.

From an anonymous speaker

Being bisexual is being normal in my opinion. We are male and female; yin and yang. We are possessors of the wholeness of the Spirit (masculine and feminine) that is part of our being. The problem is that we in this society need to classify and categorize and label everything. That is from our western european orientation. I may not even get into a sex thing with men or women, but I still can love a man and/or a woman, and feel intimately bonded. Love and soul bonding and even physical attraction are apart of developing and sustaining relationships. There are many so-called strictly speaking heterosexual brothas that have had sex with men, more than what we can imagine. Gay men have had relationships with women likewise. In societies not like ours espeically in the non-european socieites, men marry women and propagate the species, but they develop their relationships with each other. So-called homosexual relations (not necessarily sexual) is a fact of life in many non-european societies. It was even the thing to do in Roman and Greek culture. The need for sexual or genital touching is a desire we all have. I believe there is an increase in same gender relationships because the dynamics of relating to the opposite gender has become quite a difficult one. It is true that same gender relations have better sexual relations because one's partner is the same. Developing and sustaining a committed relationship is difficult no matter what label is attached. Gay brothas want to lay claim that they were born gay. Well, I don't know if that's true, and I don't really care. The only thing I know for sure is that we are born male or female by gender, and we possess both a masculine and feminine spirit, and the society we live in socializes us to act/behave in a particular way. When we don't act accordingliy we are labelled. So if I have to accept a label about myself it would be bisexual. I'm very much to committed to my wife of ten years, and have truly forsaken all others, but I like looking and sometimes fantasizing about men and women. Just Be Yourself and don't let anybody define you and you'll be alright.

From an anonymous speaker

Love is niether male or female. Love, like, make love to what works for you, becuse if it works for you...it works. Just respect those you choose to share with and let them know up front what the deal is. My problem is finding a bi-sexual black man(ever thought of placing an ad at Da Site? Click here to check out the personals)

From an anonymous speaker

I would like to repond to the article about bisexual men. I am a 26 year old black man, here on the colledge scene at
Mississippi State University. I feel that every man at some point in his life has admired another guy. I love people, man or woman. Its not about what you are, its just who you are with at the time you feel a little freaky. So all you fine black men I say go for it, but always be careful.

From CaCLogan@ix.netcom.com

I think it depends on the person. I have known several gay men that just refused to admit that they were gay, so they said that they were bisexual. In that case the person is confused. But, then there is me. I am bisexual. I am attracted to men and woman, but in different ways. I like men for sex and also for relationships. But, women on the other hand, I don't find very sexually attractive but I almost married one last year. That is my oppinion, Thank you.

From an anonymous speaker

On the question of bisexuality. This may sound wild but this is what I believe and this is helps me in dealing with my sexuality period. I believe that we are all on a continium. One side being exclusive homosexuality, the other being exclusive heterosexuality. the mid range is bisexuality. Some of us are exclusively homo, some hetero, some bi with a slant towards hom, some bi with a slant towards hetero. We all have the capacity to be any place at any time, depending on how we are stimulated. The problem that I have with the question is that many bros who are ex (bruh it seems that a part of your message didnt make when you read this feel free to send in the rest)

From Eli2362892@aol.com

No, I believe that bisexuals are not confused and that is the whole point. They know what They want. They want what is Emotionally, Intellectualy and Sexually appealing to Them as individuals not as a group. I work with the penal system and I have come to understand that preference is based on the situations an individual finds oneself. In the correctional system there are many latent Bisexuals. One min, they are in a visiting with thier girl's the next minute they are in a relationship with a man. Who can tell?, no one. It is where it is at and how one feels at the
moment of sexual arousal. Confusion is only a classification for someone who does not understand what is done. Bisexual's are not confused they are just individuals who react to stimuli in any given enviroment. As a result, depending upon how strong the stimuli will determine the length of attention. If it is sexual, when the sex is over so is
the stimuli and this applies to emotional and intellectual. Think about it, how many times have you been turned off when you felt bored the stimuli is gone and thus your attention. Bisexual's just choose. And by right they can.

From d'Shaun

I loved your article concerning bisexuality. I am a bi-sexual black man and I am not at all confused about my sexuality. When I go out shopping, to a concert or the Greek Picnic in Philadelphia( that's where I'm from ) it is like a smorgasbord to me- it all looks good! But just because something looks good doesn't necessarily mean that it is good for you. I just enjoy checkin' out my beautiful black brothers and sisters. Whomever I decide to commit to in the future I will make them my joy. In fact, if you pay attention to the marriage vows when a man and a woman are standing before God and the public, there is a part in their that says, "......forsaking all others..." I believe that the operative word is "all". If one happens to be married to a you must forsake "all" those that one finds attractive because you are making a commitment to that woman. If you decide to commit yourself to another man apply
the same principle and forsake "all" others regardless of there gender.(Very fresh response bruh..I gained some insight from it..Thanx)

From a young brother with a mind.

The question becomes who is gay and who is bi. We as black brothers must understand that by definition weather you are gay or bi. We still are homosexuals. "sex with the same gender". Bisexual just softens the blow of reality. I believe that we were all femine from the begining we were taught to be masculine. By out fathers and forfathers. We naturally have a desire to be with other men because we are Handsome and more attractive then females. Bi or Gay, homosexual is what we are classified.(Bro your response left me speechless for more reasons than one!!!!)

From an anonymous reader

I am a 24 year old black male and I think that instead of classifying ourselves we should be able to love whoever we love. My whole point is this if at the time I am dating a woman and I love her that is who I am comittted to but if I desire to be with a man then that is who I am comitted to. I think that I would rather classify myself as being a person who is into free love. But it is your life you've got to live it your own way.

From street@wam.umd.edu

I often think that We need to STOP labeling ourselves. BUt in the society that we live in that is not a possible solution. Thus we as BLACK men must respect one another at any cost. To be bi-sexual or gay is a label in which the larger society has forced ourselves into. While it's important to have something to identify with it is equally important to be yourself. I'm myself. I work in the black gay/lesbian/bi-seuxal/transgendered community. I'm myself! I refuse to let a sexual label be placed upon me Sexuality is such a gray area that I find it foolish to have labels. Thus be a brotha to ya brotha. Don't diss him cause he is bi-sexually identified. Let the bi brotha's rest we don't need any more splits or controversies with in the black gay/les/bi community.

From: barrio bro@aol.com

The article on bisexuality was good the bi guys said all the right things but they never said they had personally committed themselves to another man in a committed monogamous relationship. A gay mans uneasiness with bi men is the big C word commitment talk is cheap!

From: bruh@anycomputer.com

I heard what the bi guys were saying in the responses to your question about bi v/ gay,but they never said that they could be committed to a man! They talked around it but they never said thatif presented with a man who cared and loved them that they could do the same. Is it because their experience is being committed only to women and only dabbling on the side with men when they were horny? women are still probably the main course for these guys and other men are just appetizers before and after the main meal! the sad thing is that some gay men are satisfied with that!!

From: Alay6144@aol.com

To: msewell@erols.com

Having been there and done that, I feel that one should make a choice and stick with it. In the Bi mode, 3 people are hurt. The Bi is not happy and often has feelings of guilt, the girl is shortchanged by being cheated on and not getting his all. The other guy has to take left overs and be overly secretive with the Bi guy. No one of the three can experience true fulfillment.

From: EMALEII@aol.com

To: msewell@erols.com

This is an immediate response to Ala6144 and to those who think as he does. Contrary to the myth that a Bisexual man is intitled to the pleasures of both sexes, this is not true and most be dispelled. I am a Bisexual Black Man, who knows and understand who I am, as well as, what I am. Being bisexual only indicates that I am comfortable in an intimate relationship with either sex.... NOT both at the same time! A monogamous relationship is just that.... MONOGAMOUS! Let's not confuse Bisexuality with trifling behavior. Dont't fool yourself and others trying to be a playa... a promiscuous man can never find himself or happiness, regardless to being gay, bi or strait. Bisexuality in not a "mode"... it is not a "phase"... just as being gay is not a choice. I only ask that my gay brothers respect me for who I am. P.S. The new format is tight... Keep it UP!

From: Basedguy@aol.com

To: msewell@erols.com

Your article appears to assume that being bi is not a valid sexual identity. A position often taken by gay men much to the chagrin of bi men. Bi men are not "confused" about their sexual identity, but simply have different desires and goals than exclusively gay men. in fact being bi is probably a harder choice than being exclusively one way or another due to the care required in handling such a situation. Of course, the bi-Black man, just as the gay Black man, has a more difficult situation than their white counterpart. Yo, really enjoyed the mag....keep up the good work...peace!

From: BLH86@aol.com

To: msewell@erols.com

I dont feel Bi-sexual men are confused as a whole. I feel that is an individual thing. Many bi-sexual men live both happy and prosperous lives with their significant others, while others dont. I think people tend to generalize to much and lump everyone into certain categories, that have already been pre-diagnosed....Each person is an individual, and derserves individual treatment and respect. If a man, or woman comes to realize they are bi-sexual, choosing to be with one partner is the right thing to do, be it male or female. Thats call respect for self and the one your with., but that doesnt mean their feelings of bi-sexuality no longer exist!!!! Unfortunately, we live in a world, where people say they want their lover to be true and honest, but, in reality, for most couples, thats nothing more than a fantasy!!

From: Sexepecs@aol.com

To: msewell@erols.com

It has been my experience being a bi sexual man who had dated women exclusively until the age of twenty eight, that many bruthas are confused; not of their sexual preferrance but of their values. Bi sexuality for many men translates into a green light for promisculity based on the knowledge that the two distinctly different worlds that make up his singular existence will rarely meet. A bi-bruthas' female "piece" is no threat to most men and his "piece of trade" easily passed off as a "buddy" to a female! Arguably, a brutha carrying on like this does himself an injustice and places two other people at risk as well. Even the roughest piece of trade fears rejection. That is usually what causes them to become "rough" in the first place. Many Bi sexual men live their lives lying and looking over their shoulders while never realizing true love; something I've found most straight or gay bruthas have difficulty with anyway. But, at least most try! As men and in spite of our sexuality, we need to make choices that will allow us our dignity. Yes, someone once wrote that variety is the spice of life. He was not of African descent and Bi-sexual, though! A mutually satisfying, honest relationship with one "significant other" is spiritual whether with a male or female and also commands that we respect ourselves and each other. If for no other reason than that, some of us we need to make "the tough choice" to find out what is love. Once bitten hard as hell, you may not desire anything less!

From Svengahli@aol.com

I don't quite understand why exclusively gay men tend to assume that bisexual men engage in relationships with both men and women at the sametime. That is to say that bisexual men are by nature unfaithful and this isn't fair or true. I have been bisexual for most of my adult life. I enjoy emotional and physical attachments from both sexes. I am also an extremely faithful lover and have not actively engaged in sexual or emotional relationships outside of the one I was in at the time. That is not to say that while I am with a women that I no longer find men attractive and vice versa. My point simply is that when an exclusively gay man hears a man describe himself as being bisexual, they erroneously assume that it means they have a girl and mess around with guys on the side. The issue is solely one of monogamy. A women does not receive the short end of the stick if her man is bisexual and is faithful to her. It is all about people loving people and doing so faithfully no matter who is loving who. Gay men need to step away from the cliched notions about bisexual men, especially those images drawn up by E.Lynn Harris whose books,though entertaining, do not completely tell the story of all bisexual experiences. Neither gay men nor bisexual men can afford to cliche and be unfair to the other because both experiences are valid ones.