Are there any answers to this tragedy? Or have we
reached the point where we just don't know anymore and now find ourselves
without hope and therefore without the strength to overcome the disease?
DISCUSSION
From anonymous
When I last sent something to BODYNSOUL concerning my
HIV+ status I was 2 weeks into it. It been a while now and I just told my
lover my secret. I never intended on meeting someone like him. He's
perfect for me. I fell in love at first sight. I always had this feeling
that he was positive as well so I never told him, but then I realized how
much I needed him to know. I told him last night. He loves me so much and
now I can look him in the eyes. Ya'll pray for us. God knows I've been
through alot of trauma. And for you all that think that knowing that you
are HIV+ protects you from all other drama...You and sadly mistaken love.
I'm a living witness here to tell you that you will continue to be TESTEd...emotionally,
physically, and spiritually. THIS IS A WAR THAT WE ARE CURRENTLY LOSING.
YES A CURE IS SOON TO COME, BUT THE QUESTION IS...WILL ALL HELL BREAK
LOOSE? WILL ANOTHER BUG/VIRUS PLAGUE US AND KILL OFF MILLIONS MORE? I'm
here to let you all know that LOVE is the ultimate cure. When you see
someone.....smile or jester to let them know that you see them. We all
want that. We all need to KNOW that we are visible and loved even by
strangers. Sex will never fill and void where love should be. You can have
sex with the finest, most muscular thugs, travel the world over and still
never feel loved. It will get you caught up and shack you world like its
never been shacken. Stay healthy and strong ya'll. I love you all. Don't
give up. Remember that somebody loves you. PEACE
From accuzide@go
It is funny to read some of these statements. HIV is terrible, YES, and if you have it, keep it for yourself! But do not forget the destiny and the story of each person, who has HIV or Aids. I am positive - and this does not mean only HIV positive. I learned very quick that death is a part of life, and now I am really alive. It is not the quantity - it is the quality that counts. Carpediem and don't ride your car too fast - otherwise you do not have to worry about HIV anymore.
From asmilingface
I just so happened to be browsing through and started to read a few ads and to my surprise alot of people were disclosing that they were hiv+ and how they felt about their situations. I am 18yrs. old and in the beginning of the summer before i was leaving for college i found out that i was hiv+. I cried and cried but there was nothing else that i could do because the damage was already did. Now i encourage anyone who has ever had unprotected sex to get tested. there is so much that i want to say but i dont know how to say it (i'm still coping with the fact that this virus has made its way into my body).I only hope that people get better educated about this disease and not treat people who are positive as if they are sick and dieing but are living with a deadly disease.
From open@bminternet
Yes i do think it is mandatory because, it is really like putting a gun to your partners head and saying, i'll kill you. How can you love your partner and lay there, for a moment of passion, and destroy almost every aspect of enjoyment, to their being! I really also feel that if you have it, you should not continue to have sex, whether it is protected or not, it should be illegal! You should not have to stop the social scene, but you should put a hold, on sex forever, it is what got you there, and if it wasn't it's still, personal suicide! Peace!
From stevewilliams16@hotmail
When someone shares their sero-status with me I hope they do so more out of trust than any feelings of guilt, shame or fear. A person’s sero-status is privileged information that I don’t feel a specific entitlement to. Given how “shady” we are toward each other, that people are reluctant to disclose makes sense to me. When our criteria for choosing partners often includes “no fats/no femmes”, “no one over 35” and, no one who isn’t a “straight up thug” it seems almost unreasonable to even ask. If there are no feelings invested why disclose? When there may be a sense that something could develop between two people then when you tell is the issue and a singular choice. I’ve had relationships (sexual and romantic) with men who are positive. Some of these men told me early on in our interactions, some I discovered indirectly as in running into a casual sex part!
ner who had become visibly symptomatic since our encounter. Either way isn’t it my responsibility for my safety? Shouldn’t I take the highest level of precautions?
Besides, what are we willing to believe in when someone says, “I’m negative?” What are we considering if our partner says they’re negative that we wouldn’t think about if we knew they were positive? I think many of us operate under at least two different sets of sexual conduct based upon knowing our partner’s status. There is a Column A with all the things you’d do if you assumed or knew he was negative, and a Column B listing all the things we’d either think twice about or rule out all together knowing or assuming that he’s positive. That is, that if I tell you I’m positive and you agree to have sex with me then you can choose from any of the items in your column B of sexual acts because they err on the side of greater safety. But if you’re concerned with safety then why not simply pursue the safest path all the time? It surprises me how many men I’ve spoken to never think of this.
I find the suggestion of mandatory testing nothing short of fascist and self- loathing. A study conducted a few years ago here in New York reported that one in four Black gay men were HIV infected. This figure is based only on the men who identify as gay. It would be safe to assume that these numbers are probably much higher when you add those men who have sex with men but do not identify as gay. We need to step away from the idea that the government ought to do something because we will ultimately loose.
It’s always the same old story- “They should be locked up, or they should be taken off the streets, etc.” How quickly we are to forget that in the eyes of many we are “they”. And just what would you do if by some unfortunate circumstance became one of “those people” who tested positive?
Generally, I think there is too much emphasis on diagnosis (and testing for that matter) and not enough energy into preventing new infections. Rates of infections among BGM’s continue to rise. I think there needs to be greater attention paid to preserving current monies and securing more HIV prevention dollars directed at our communities. I would also like to see programs for Black men having sex with men develop prevention strategies that more directly address some of the antecedents to unsafe behavior like substance abuse, employment, gender dysphoria, violence and, conservatism that is rampant in our community especially in the Black church.
Support groups are a primary tool of HIV outreach and education. Usually the focus of these groups is centered upon a finite number of recycled topics chosen by the group’s participants. My experience has been that these discussions rarely do more than look at these issues on a superficial level. I’d like to see groups that are based on researched methods that offer concrete skills to change behavior. There are therapeutic techniques developed to do this for other problems such as substance abuse and depression. These modalities can be adopted by the HIV community and applied. HIV related prevention materials haven’t changed much since the early 90’s. While the message is essentially the same (use condoms all the time) little is new in the presentation of this message. The majority of prevention materials is still directed to men under 35. At 38 I find it difficult to relate to the images and language used in many of these materials. The few things I’ve seen aimed at old!
er men often depict us as bereft with sadness. Older men have been written out of the picture. In as much as the gay community” seeks unity through diversity splintering itself into any number of endless categories (leather men, cross-dressing bears, femme Trekkies of color, etc.) prevention materials should reflect more of that diversity. I am tired of images of hairless buffed men under 30 depicted as the only members of our community with active sex lives. While I don’t expect a brochure with my name on it, materials that address other demographics within the community are needed.
Despite how effective these materials may or may not be we know one thing- HIV is spread via sexual contact. I am less challenged by my partner’s sero-status than how was it that he wasn’t able to stay negative. Most new infections are occurring among men in their adolescence and 20’s. I find this disheartening because, unlike men in their 30’s and over, these brothers have never known a life where condoms was not the norm. These young brothers didn’t have to be retrained to, “use a rubber every time.” Why are these new infections happening?
It is a crisis whenever any of us is incapable of protecting himself. Even more difficult than disclosing my sero-status would be telling someone I was having unsafe sex and was incapable of preventing it. Slipping is a fact of life for many of us when, despite our best efforts to do the right thing sometimes we can’t. I’m not talking about “negotiated risk” but the kinds of unsafe behavior I’ve seen at safe sex parties where some men don’t use condoms while fucking and nobody’s doing anything about it. How do we prevent a slip from becoming something larger?
Our white counter parts have assumed an overt political ideology to support their unsafe encounters-“bare-backing “. If anything, this stance has made more individuals within their community come out and be counted for something. They have established a platform for their choice to have unsafe sex. While, I do find it unacceptable I can still find some understanding in this as well. What we do as Black gay men however occurs in the virtual vacuum of “the down low.” We have marched right back into the closet in search of “real men” to literally fuck us to death.
I believe that one reason for our high infection rate has to do with the burden practicing safe sex has become. Regardless of how safe I am, every time my dick gets hard I am reminded of the consequences in expressing my desire. These thoughts make fucking less pleasurable and regardless of how creative I get, that condom is a reminder of what is at stake. We can only hope for the best possible outcome when we get our groove on. We can’t even complain about how much we don’t like condoms because the pressure to protect ourselves comes with many considerations. Some of the first safer sex messages appealed to our collective sense of community to do the right thing. What was good for us was also good for our community. But as Black gay men we are speaking of communities with very separate expectations. Are we taking risks because the demand to “be here for a cure” after nearly twenty years, has made some of us weary? Have our condom negotiation skills eroded? Had we the expe!
ctation that science would find a cure sooner rather than later.
We are desperate for relief from the epidemic. What we do when we are naked may determine whether we will see any solutions come about. That so many of us are making this wrong choice angers and baffles me. The answers don’t seem as simple to me as, “we don’t love ourselves.” High self-esteem is not a fixed component of our lives. Early in the epidemic many of us knew that in order to be safe we needed to make hard decision as to how we wanted to live our lives. This meant that men had to step away from their comfort zones because silence really has equaled death. These men (and women) challenged our families and communities to look at the threat HIV would pose to our lives. In the end we have only ourselves to rely on and ultimately to blame if we continue to make others responsible for our safety.
From CARMELMIRACLE@YAHOO
I PRAY FOR ANYONE WHO HAS TO GO THRU ANY TYPE OF ILLNESS, AND THANK GOD THAT BY MY WILD LIFE BEFORE MARRIAGE THAT GOD DID NOT MAKE HIV/AIDS MY DESTINY ( I AM BLESSED) AND HOPE THAT NO SITUATION ARISES WHERE I WOULD BE DESTINE FOR SUCH A THING.I SHOULD OF KNOWN BETTER THAN TO PUT MYSELF AT RISK. HIV/ AIDS IS ONE DISEASE THAT CAN NOT BE GLAMOURIZED IT IS AUTOMATIC TO THINK DEATH( CAN YOU BLAME SOMEONE FOR BEING SCARED ESPECIALLY THE MISEDUCATED). BUT EVEN FOR PEOPLE W/O THE DISEASE WE ARE NOT GUARANTEED TOMMORROW, YET WE CAN LIVE OUR LIVES TO BE GIVEN TOMMORROW IN THE CHOICES WE MAKE. GOD WILL ACCEPT ANYONE WILLING TO ASK THIER FATHER TO TAKE CARE OF THEM AND SHELTER THEM.
HOWEVER I AM NOTICING THAT RISE OF OTHERS LIVING DOUBLE LIVES ( SOME FIND OUT , SOME DON'T). IM NOT SAYING PEOPLE SHOULD TELL ALL THEIR BUSINESS , JUST TO BE NOT ONLY SAFE BUT ALSO CHECK YOUR LIFE STYLE. ( NOT GAY BASHING) THIS IS ALSO FOR HETEROSEXUALS. I MEAN IF YOUR PROMISCUISE YOU MIGHT AS WELL ASSUME YOUR INVINSIBLE AGAINST CRACK. GET TO KNOW A PERSON DISCUSS THINGS THAT MAY PUT YOU AT WRISK, SEE IF THIER WILLING TO TEST THEMSELVES FOR ALL DISEASES BEFORE YOU "TURN IT OUT" ( IT'S YOUR LIFE AND IT'S IN DANGER). SEXUAL RISK'S SHOULD BE A MANDATORY CLASS IN SCHOOL IN THIS DAY IN AGE. MOST PEOPLE WHO CONTRACTED AIDS HAD ANOTHER STD B4 AND MAY HAVE NEVER BEEN CURED( HERPES ECT). THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS THAT TIE INTO THE LACK OF SEXUAL RISK (LIFESKILLS,EDUCATION, DECISION MAKING, MORALITY) RICKY LAKE IS REPLACING HIGH SCHOOL MATH. SO MEDIA PLAYS A PART AT WHAT OUR CHILDREN WITH IMPRESSIONABLE MINDS SEES. ALSO THE REASON PERCENTAGES ARE HIGH (ESPECIALLY) FOR THE BLACK MINORIT!
IES IS BECAUSE WE ARE MINORITIES, OF COURSE OUR PERCENTAGES ARE HIGHER CAUSE BELIEVE IT OR NOT THEIR ARE MORE WHITES THAN BLACKS (STILL). THAT STILL DOES NOT VALIDATE WHY? WE ARE DYING. TOO MANY BABY DADDIES AND BABBY MOMMA'S. I HOPE WE WILL COME UP WITH A CURE ONE DAY BUT WE ARE NOT MAKING MUCH EFFORT TO REACH THE COMMUNITIES FOR PREVENTION. "WE" IS THE KEY FOR CHANGE!!!!!
ILL CONTINUE TO PRAY FOR THE WORLD AND WISH THOSE IN NEED LUCK AND BLESSINGS. I HOPE THAT WOMEN/MEN OR MEN & MEN ECT WILL NOT BE SO STUPID TO JUMP INTO BED TO SOON, AND PEOPLE DON'T CONDEMN OTHERS BECAUSE THEY CHOOSE TO BE RECKLESS......MRS.X
From ebonyman40plusfromLIT@yahoo
As 1 who was diagnosed HIV+ in April 99 when I was hospitalized with 3 opportunistic infections (Pneumocystis Carinii Pneumonia, Cryptococcal Meningitis, & Esophagitis) 4 a period of 6 weeks, 2 days, I've learned that testing should be done regularly & safe sex always should be practiced, no matter how passionate the moment. My last test was in 1988; I never had the time 2 test like I should working 2 jobs, etc. Also there were times during heats of passion that condoms weren't used. @ least now, I am being more careful & also disclosing my status 2 others when it appears that an intimate encounter will take place. If the reaction is negative, then I move on. If the reaction is positive, then we proceed with precautions, of course. Since then, I've devoted my free time 2 provide a ministry online 4 those who r HIV+ & need support/encouragement. The clu!
b is called Blaque2Blaque Pozbrothas on Yahoo. By all means, check it out; it will do u good. http://clubs.yahoo.com/clubs/blaque2blaquepozbrothas
Peace
Ron
Little Rock, AR
From BEGINNININGS@AOL
I struggle with the 'tell', 'not tell' question. An individual should be honest with their potential partner. It is a matter of life and death. I have exited from potential relationships for the very reason of not being able to tell for fear of rejection. This is a lonesome as well as'loathesome' disease.
From B3x6PK@webtv
Yes I do think that testing should be manditory. Simply
because there are people out there in our population that do not give a
damn about each other. they feel if they have it they may as well give it
to someone else because someone gave it to them. I am from a small town in
georgia and I know for good reason there are these type of people walking
around. I meet them and talk to them everyday. there are more bisexual
people than ever not saying that this came from either side Hell I am not
homofobic I am gay myself Noone cares to get tested for anything And I
think that it is a damn shame. So many people are going to die simply
because of the atittude ofa few.I am afraid to get tested for fear that it
may come back positive.I am not someone that goes out and sleeps with the
first person that comes by but I have had times where I didnot pratice
safe sex and it on! ly takes one time to distoy your life I am not a
person that uses condos on a regular basis I only have one partner know
.But who knows what my partner did before we hookedup.It is risky on both
our parts. For right know I just see it as whatever happens happens.But it
will be just between the two of us. Maybe one day I will find the nerve to
take that step and find out my statis I just hope that it will not be to
late.
From Kennybboy_1@hotmail
I believe that person should tell their potential partner because it can lead to a longer and safer relationship. I think that it is very unfair and that person with the HIV should be responsible enough to discuss this issue. Either the person will move on or will stay with that person. My partner didn't tell me that he was infected with the Virus and now I have to get tested and may be infected myself. I hate him for doing this to me. I have no other choice to take him to court for exposing me to the Virus when he knew that he had it. He should be in jail so that no one else will have to infected unwillingly. I am just praying that he was not successful at his evil venture.
From gitdagrese@aol
To all the men in our community who by an act of their own will engage in same sex relations. I bid all my bristers in the life with faith, hope and love. It is never an simple task to disect the somewhat rocky relationship between black men no matter what orientation and the black church. I might endeavor to point out that our lives in this country have lead us down the road of false imaging in conjunction with state approved opression and discrimination has caused us to turn on each other.
It is no less encumbent on us who are walking in received knowledge and enlightment to do something about our information. Some have willing chose to step away from the organized church while maintaining a relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ. STill others have decided to stay in the confines of a demeaning system and deal with the spiritual phychological abuse heaped by the faithful.
The real issue is not the AIDS epidemic. It is our inter/intrapersonal relatiosnhips with each other. Yes, our bristers are dying in record numbers and we must needs address the health and well being of our people.
From thugpretty@hotmail
THE ENTIRE TOPIC IS VERY, VERY , I-N-T-E-R-E-S-T-I-N-G- .
. I COMMENT THAT WAY, BECAUSE SO MANY PEOPLE HAVE DIFFERENT VIEWPOINTS ON
THIS SUBJECT. I FEEL MANDATORY TESTING ISN'T THE ANSWER, I THINK MORE
EDUCATION IS. THE WHITE COMMUNITY HAS AN ALL TIME LOW RATE FOR HIV. WHAT
DOES THAT TELL US AS A PEOPLE THAT THEY STOPPED, LOOKED, AND LISTENED? I
CAN'T REALLY SAY,BUT IT'S SO AMAZING HOW BLACK MEN AND WOMEN ARE LITERALLY
BEING WIPED OUT BY THIS HORRID DISEASE. I KNOW FOR MYSELF I HAVE TO
CONTINUE TO USE CONDOMS NO MATTER WHAT AND SAY A PRAYER ASKING GOD TO
COVER ME IN THE BLOOD OF THE SON. I'VE LOST MANY FRIENDS TO THIS DISEASE
AND IT SADDENS ME WHENEVER I FIND OUT SOMEONE I KNOW HAS IT. BLACK MEN THE
ONES THAT USE THE PREFIX STRAIGHT (YEAH, RIGHT) BUT LOVE TO HAVE SEX WITH
OTHER MEN OFTEN HAVE A THING WITH USING CONDOMS, NOT ALL BUT SOME OF THEM,
AND SOME GAY BOYS DO ALSO. WHAT WE HAVE TO DO IS LIKE WHAT OTHER WRITERS
HAVE STATED TREAT EVERY SEXUAL ENCOUNTER LIKE THAT PERSON HAS HIV, YOU
HAVE TO PROGRAM YOURSELF THAT WAY OTHERWISE YOU RUN THE RISK. CONDOMS
AREN'T FULL-PROOF, BUT I KINDA THINK USING ONE IS BETTER THAN NOT USING
ONE. THIS IS A VERY INFORMATIVE SITE, THE ONLY THING I WONDER IS HOW MANY
BROTHAS IN FACT VISIT THIS OPPOSED TO THE MORE SEXUALLY-EXPLICIT SITES
THAT ARE CONNECTED TO BLACKMEN.COM. I'VE BEEN TO THE "LOOKIN' FOR
LOVE/SEX/BUDDIES SITE" BUT I OFTEN ASK MYSELF HOW MANY BROTHAS ARE
ACTUALLY HIV POSITIVE THAT HAVE ADS?? ANYWAY, I'M GONNA PASS THE WORD ON
TO BROTHAS THAT I KNOW THAT VISIT THESE SITES AND HAVE THEM TO CHECK THIS
SITE OUT KNOWLEDGE IS POWER, AND BROTHA WE LACK SO MUCH OF IT.
From princekellam@aol
I am a 27 yr. old black male who teaches Health Education to area high school and middle school students. The topic is mostly on HIV/AIDS, and the students amaze me so much. I have always been educated on the disease and find it amazing how many people still are having unprotected sex. Which is why there are a high number of young black females who are HIV+ today. I do not understand how some people have unprotected sex, yet they do not want a disease that can kill them. Nor do I understand why some people let others make their choices for them. Ok, they do not want HIV/AIDS, but they won't tell their partner to put a condom on or won't use one themselves. We as black people have enough struggles in our lives with poverty, black on black crimes, prejudice, drugs, so why are we still allowing HIV and AIDS kills us too? Though I do realize that we all as humans ha!
ve choices, sometimes we make good ones and at times we make bad ones. No one will ever make the right choice, however, when we are already familiar or know the consequences we still make the bad choice. Then we cry, tend to blame others, and/or speak that we cannot, will not, or aren't ready to deal with the after results. I am sure those who are HIV+ did not want to be in the world that they live in now, yet now they realize what strikes may be upon them. Such as being disowned by family members, medications, illness, outcasted by friends, struggle with the dating scene. I hope everyone take a look at those who face being HIV+ every day, and rethink their decisions not to wear condoms. It only takes once to be in the world of HIV/AIDS. For I know, since I am myself. God bless you brothers and sisters, and stay safe!
From anonymous
I am a young HIV Positive black and latino male and I think that there is only so much responsibilty that one should take on. I think that if you know that you are positive and you practice safer sex with a "potential partner"(or should we say one night stand)that the responsibility on the positive persons behalf is taken care of. I think the other party (assuming that they are of age)should be mature and adult enough to know that even with safer sex that everybody that they intend to have sex with could be positive; and the condom could break causing them to a possible exposure of the virus. I believe that after the condom is put on whomever that it is their choice to put themselves at risk. No one (only in instances of rape) has ever put a gun to an adult male's head and made him have sex condom or no condom. Everytime I laid down with someone
safer sex or not I knew the possible consequences of my actions.
I do believe that in matters of potetial long term relationships that the other party should be told of one's status.
From zazoot@aol
wow is all i have to say concerning this site. i am
positive and have been now for ten years. it's been difficult but it also
has been wonderful.i have an incredible support team made of parents
nieces and nephews friends.real good friends.i will be 40 in may and i
thank God almighty for this.unlike some of the brothas that are undectable
with in our day to day living, this has not been the case for me. the
virus damaged my spinal function and as a result has made me wheelchair
bound, though i still walk with the assistance of a walker it is with my
electric scooter that i jet all over the city.i have been fortunate to be
involved inrelationships after telling my partner of my status.it has not
been a bed of roses but a rose by any another name is still a rose,torns
and thistle.my current partner and i will celebrate this oct 4 years.
while sex is not the center of ou! r relationship it is also a problem in
the relationship.i've come to terms that my paramour and i are not
sexually combatible.but wait then there is 3 years.love is like a camalian
and is never exact and offers no guarentees but love does prevail and
does/has saved the day. i was'nt handling my status at first with the
responsibilty that i do today. but that was yesterday and i am greatful
for those yesterdays to have mold me to the man i am today/now. i can only
take it as it comes but when it comes i pray and thank My GOD That he has
not fail me, and though at times of my life it seemed that i was cutting
short my existance it certainly did'nt seem that way when ignorance was
bliss and i was on on a roman hoiliday. think that i might be putting my
self in danger but surrendering to the boundless pressure of my flesh. my
brothas and i say this with a reverance to brotherhood. there is healing
going on even when we are rejected by the once we confey on in that
vulnerable moment. i know that at one time i to had that apprehencion and
recovered and i am living and so will you. with all your fears and bad
choices it is the valley of preperation to molded you hopefully into a
humble servant.we need to embrace our differences and our strenths and
fears as o community and LIVE and let LIVE. all will not go away tommorow
but tommorow is not promised to any one, never was never will be. what
will you say when you stand before your deliverer and that great day we
will inevitibily face about your brotherhood to man. even though i am
wheelchair bound i am self motivated and i am reaching for my dreams in
the arts with a ferver. i don't feel sorry for my self but i am sadden by
the few that judge because they lack the gumption to comfront there own
skeletons. i have become a public speaker and a beacon for the lost boyz
in the dark sea of life. i bid you to come into the lght of truth and shun
the ignornces that have our community bound and shackled by shame.many
people are shocked when i tell them that i am hiv +, at times i believe
that they rather believe that it was a skiing accident or a gun shot wound
that has challenged by ability to walk as i once did, then to accept the
truth. we as a society embrace a lie because we are not threaten by it but
will run away from the truth because it will expose that which is cast in
the the deepest taverns of our heart and mind. i 've stopped the insanity
and walk the walk and talk the talk. peace my brothas from your boriqua
brother.
From anonymous
I was diagnosed HIV reactive just two weeks ago.......Something within me "prepared" me for the worst news. I went to the school clinic to get a follow up of an illness I had over the holidays. I was in a great deal of pain! Well I asked my doctor for an HIV test among other things because I was ready to give "the life" up.
I made up my mind that day and it was very frightening. I went in for my results on the following week and could not believe what I heard. The doctor told me that I was HIV reactive......"WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?" I asked with a calm voice.
And the doctor told me......he also gave me hope because he ordered the lab to do another test called the Western Blot Test...
I received those results over the phone. When my status was revealed I was devastated....I cried til my eyes were blood red...
This face of mine has not been the same sense. Sometimes I look in the mirror and I cannot believe that I'm HIV+ because I look so healthy and young.
But I know I am. Basically I want to say that I would not wish the pain of finding out that you're HIV+ on anyone. Therefore I would not have sex with anyone without them knowing unless they were positive as well.
EDUCATION ABOUT HIV IS THE KEY TO STOPPING THE VIRUS FROM SPREADING. WE MUST EDUCATE OURSELVES TO PROTECT OURSELVES. I'M HIV+ AND EDUCATION HAS HELPED ME DEAL WITH MY STATUS. Today I'm am in the process of mending fenches and telling my loved ones my status.
I have told my close loved one's but they are the only people I will ever tell.. I don't plan on having sex with anyone. I cannot even get past seeing my own cum at this point because it disgust me so.
But I do want to be a voice for the fight against young black gay men getting infected.
From someone who wished they played it safe.
I am a black female who love your website. I can only say
that we should love and respect ourselves first and think before we act. I also know we all like to to get our boogie
on big time, but first we as a people have to first think do I know him\her well enough to take a real risk like that and then
again is a piece of a-- worth me dying for well to be honest I didn't think period. And I contracted HIV from a guy who was
BI. I mean hey what the f---! Hey you people have to think first then get your freak on. Protect yourself. HIV kills.
I wish I did.
From jerronw@hotmail
My personal thoughts on a partner revealing their std status is that they should make it part of their discussion. I have tested negative for all std's and I thank God. I am not innocent and I do not feel that there needs to be a law to tell me to take a test. I have had unprotected sex before and I have regretted it and I question myself as to why I did it. It comes from insecurity and a need to feel some type of bonding. I have concluded that I am not alone in feeling that way and it helps to deal with this problem knowing that others are doing better with less than I have been given from family and friends. When I stop thinking about my own situation and concentrate on someone else then it minimizes my problems. I do feel that I should be with one person and that does eliminate many of the problems that std's bring to your life-if both parties are faith!
ful. But, how do you get to that point? You can get one std from just lying in someone's bed and not even touching them! Abstinence is not a cure all as we believe-loneliness is another disease altogether.
J
From WILLIAM
A SUBJECT ALL TO FAMILIAR TO ME, I HAVE BEEN HIX+ FOR THE PAST 6 YEARS AND ASIDE FROM THE MERE FACT THAT THIS IS A DEADLY DISEASE AND COULD REMOVE ME FROM LIFE, THE PUNISHMENT AND THE PENALTY THAT IS ALLOTTED US FROM SOCIETY IS A DEATH IN ITSELF. TREATED AS "LEPERS" LIKE THOSE DATED BACK FROM THE BIBLICAL DAYS, WHISPERS AND STARES AS YOU ENTER THE ROOM, AND GOD FORBID YOU SEEK A SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP. IF OUR PEOPLE WERE MORE WELL VERSED IN THE PREVENTION BEFORE AND THE WAYS TO PREVENT AND PROTECT YOURSELF DURING A MONOGAMOUS RELATIONSHIPWITH AN HIV INFECTED PERSON THEN THE "FEAR" WHICH IS STEMMED FROM NOTHING BUT IGNORANCE OF THE FACTS WOULD BE TOTALLED DISINTEGRATED, THUS MAKING IT EASIER TO TELL OUR PARTNERS OUR STATUS.
From Anonymous
I'd just like to say that it amazes me to know the number of brotha's that do not tell
the truth about their status. Today, everyone should know what their own status is, and
when becoming involved with someone intimately, you should have no problem or shame in
telling your partner your status. However, it saddens me to think of the number of
brotha's who actually have intercourse with brotha's who know they are HIV+ and will not
tell their partner and the partner never really inquires (in depth). But instead, will
have somewhat safe. safer sex and sometimes unprotected sex and neither really knowing the
status of the other. However, brotha's, you (we) are not dumb! You know that every brother
you come in contact with should be treated as if he is HIV+, regardless! Just like all
Hospitals/Funeral Home Establishments take International Precautionary Measures, each of
us should use the same with condoms! It also disheartens me to meet a brother and I tell
him from the beginnng my status is HIV+, so he will have first hand knowledge and can make
a decision if he would like to be involved with me or not, and he acts like he can't deal
with it or he'll say okay, cool, let's talk more; and I never hear from him again! There
is never a "right time" to tell anyone such devastating news; however, brotha's,
those of us that are positive have a heart, mind, body and soul....and we need love too.
Tomorrow is not promised to you or me. Case and point....
A brother was going around telling his friends that I was positive and he didn't really
like me cause I was close to a mutual friend and several months later-year, he was being
buried. Now this young, very handsome brotha evidently, had no idea he was positive, or he
was in denial and did not seek treatment and months later died. He was nowhere as sick as
I, and I had been sick on and off for 5yrs. I am a long term survivor.. To see me today,
you'd never know I'd ever been sick! Brotha's, be kind and loyal to yourself, and then you
can be loyal and loving to someone else. All you church going brotha's...yes you Choir
members, Deacon's, pull-pit Minister's and Pastor's and even the Usher's at the door's,
you know who you are ...stop negating the fact that half your congragation is positive and
start giving help, start a HIV Ministry, and a support system that we all can live by if
it should befall you...We need to wake up and stop turning our heads! Like Rev. T. D.
Jakes said in a sermon...(paraphrasing)...The Black family has all kinds of skeleton's
hidden in the closet...The father sleeping with the daughter, the mother sleeping with the
son, the son sleeping with the sister, the son sleeping with the mother, and uncle so and
so sleeping with his brother's son, and so is cousin so and so sleeping (male) sleeping
with the son and the daughter, and so on, and the mother she's sleeping with her husband's
brother and/or sister..and we keep turning our heads like these things don't even happen;
and they are happening as you read this response right now, somewhere in the world, it is
happening! And let's not forget the beatings, husbands beating wives and male lover's
beating their male partner's!!! Stop. Think. React. Educate yourselves and start LOVING
one another or else it will be too late and none of us will have anybody...we are all
disrespecting each other from the Pull-pit to the front door of the church, from home to
school and to the office and at play! WAKE-UP BLACK PEOPLE, WAKE-UP!!! May !
GOD Bless each of you.
FROM ANONYMOUS
WHAT WE ARE TALKNG ABOUT IS DISCLOSURE...I FEEL WHEN TWO CONSENTING ADULTS ARE HAVING
SEX BOTH SHOULD ASSUME RESPONSIBILITY FOR THERE ACTION...IF THE HIV+ PERSON DOESN'T WANT
TO DISCLOSE THERE STATUS,THE OTHER ADULT SHOULD ASK THE QUESTION..EITHER WAY SEX SHOULD BE
TREATED WITH UNIVERSAL PRECAUTION...NO GLOVE,NO LOVE
From admetus@msn.network
yes i think it is a subject of public health and should be disclosed, now don't get me
wrong i understand the dynamic involved in privacy issues and the already compromised self
esteem of an individual with HIV having to confront the ridicule of a society ill informed
and sometimes ill equipted to deal with the complexity of the human to human aspects of
the virus, but when the fun and pastimes of one jeopardizes the very life of others
something must be done. if the a party is informed and wants to continue in a relationship
with someone infected even if they are engaging in unsafe sex i think it is their right,
but that right has been taken away if they are not informed and to me is a form of murder
and should be punished accordingly. these people are hurt and sometimes bitter at the idea
of being infected and some not all have sexual compulsion and the first thing they run to
for comfort is sex and if there esteem and comfort comes from this why would they tell the
other party and leave themselves open to ridicule that defeats there whole objective of
comfort of connectedness especially having a virus that by it's very nature seperates you
from the society. Intense and mandatory counseling and surveilance within contituional
statutes should be employed to help those who are healthy remain so and to keep the
quality of life for the infected at it's highest. The problem isn't so much the desease
but the people, with all the information about the disease how come the numbers are
growing steadily, we have to look at the mind sets of the individuals getting the virus it
not that the virus is so powerful it's the individuals who are weak the virus can't last
in air, think about how weak the virus really is we in our behaviors and habit feed the
virus that is so weak through our carelessness and lack of responsible by our behavior we
strengthen it until it's overwhelming presence is seen and then seen as invincible and in
truth the virus relies on our behaviors and idiosycracies suckling on our life force th!
rough our behavior. we believe in it's percieved strengths and beleive well since we're
going to die anyway what the hell and from that mind set anything is possible. i think it
is mandatory that people say to their perspective partners what there status is if they
don't they should be held directly responsible for all the individual they infected
because that is reckless endangerment and until people come forth about this in the black
community a whole lot more brothas an sistas will die!
From ANONYMOUS
I THANK GOD I HAVE NOT BEEN INFECTED WITH HIV, BUT THERE ARE SOME OF US BROTHERS OUT HERE
WHO DO NOT LOOK AT OUR FELLOW BROTHERS WITH CONTEMPT OR FEAR. HIV/AIDS IS NOT A MORAL
JUDGEMENT..NOR DOES IT DEFINE AN INDIVDUAL'S CHARACTER OR INTEGRITY. HUMANITY IS NOT
EXEMPT FROM BEING INFECTED REGARLESS OF WHO ONE IS OR WHAT ONE DOES. IN THIS DAY AND AGE,
REGARDLESS OF ONE'S STATUS..SAFE/SAFER SEX SHOULD BE CONSISTENT WITH WHOMEVER ONE MAY
CONNECT WITH PHYSICALLY.
From instinct75@hotmail.com
I feel a need to express SO much regarding this issue in particular and others that
plagued the gay/bi-sexual/lesbian community! I feel a way to prevent the spread of HIV and
its equally detrimental dieases is to PRACTICE SAFE SEX and not treat one another as just
A PIECE OF ASS OR PUSSY TO JUST HAVE AND THEN MOVE ON TO THE NEXT PERSON. I know that
circustances come in to play and everybodys situation is different, but WE must first have
RESPECT for ourselves before BEFORE we can have any for anyone else but the ABSOLUTE
beginning to solving the problem I believe is SELF - LOVE and ACCEPTING one another for
who and what we are!!!! THINX for the opportunity to express my view on this issue....KEEP
UP THE EXCELLENT JOB!!!! A WONDERFUL WEBSITE!!!! BROTHERS TELL ANOTHER BROTHER ABOUT THIS
WEBSITE AND INSIST THAT THEY READ THE FORUM AND JUST LOOK AT THE PICTURES!!!!!! MAKE A
POINT FOR EVERYONE WHO READS THIS ATLEAST INFORM ON BROTHER OF THE SITE AND ENCOURAGE THAT
THEY READ THE FORUM OF HIV!!! THINX AGAIN!!!!
From an anonymous speaker
to tell despite the outcome is the best and only option. why invest time and energy in
something that lacks honesty. the military has "don't ask, don't tell" policy,
this ideology/policy should not and can not be applicable to relationships. hiv is an
illness that lacks a personality. the person with hiv has the personality. tell and be
proud that you practice honesty in your life. telling your status is a personal choice but
it can and will affect or infect the intimate person in your life. which will you choose
tell or not tell? the decisions we make in our lives are the decision we have to go to
sleep with at night and wake up in the morning with the same decision. there is nothing i
will encounter in this lifetime that i can't handle. believe it and it shall be truth.
From pucanu@msn.com
That is a very difficult question, because if you go around telling different people then
you get labled and outted. But it is a catch 22 I think that you should have protected sex
and treat everyone as if they are HIV +
If it is just a one night stand, no the person should not know. But on the other hand you
should only engage in heavy pettting and Jack off session with no intercourse.
From celvin88.@hotmail.com
I don't believe that one should tell his hiv status to anyone
unless he or she feels comfortable in doing so. If your status
gets out in your community then you are going to have much more to deal with. Anyone
having sex should always protect themselves Take each sex partners as potential hiv
infected and persede with cuntion. Safe sex is the only way to go.
From an anonymous speaker
<the choir>
the sensitivity to the the subject of aids in the black community is evident (in this
segment of this website) in the sparse number of responses. if you are reading this
message now, you are likely a member of the choir and not the one of those who need
to be dwelling on these matters in the first instance. nevertheless i'll write to
who shall listen...
<positive thought>
in the fall of 1997 i came to realize that i was hiv+. the life i hoped i would lead
was gone. i figured i had maybe ten years to live and i contemplated obtaining a phd so
that i could leave some form of literature behind to help others come to understand
something of interest to me. i thought of the shame i would bring on my family, the loss
of friends, et cetera.
i found myself rising at ungodly hours (2, 3, 4 in the
morning) unable to go back to sleep. i was in a perpetual
ruminatory state: reflecting on what led me to the sexual
actions i perpetrated the summer before. i was able to find
answers to some of the most perplexing questions of my life.
the adage 'in progress there is disorder' applied most
readily to my experience. i liken the experience i had to an earthquake that shook me to
my very being. it swept away all the structures covering my true landscape; structures
that obscured my true form with falsehoods and denials i had allowed to persist in my life
unchallenged, unquestioned. to be honest up until this time i really did not know for sure
that i was in fact even gay!
<negative reality & love>
when i found out that what i thought was just a bad, bad
dream--i was in fact hiv negative--i really began to
appreciate life. i know saying that seems to be almost too
obvious--but it's not. during late winter of 1998 i met one
of the most beautiful brothers (both physically & emotionally) i have ever met.
he was hiv+. i wanted to be with him (share my past experience and share in helping
him to not only cope but thrive within his reality) only to realize he had another.
i couldn't bring myself to tell him of my ordeal (of thinking i was positive or that i was
madly in love with him), but i know now that i have made significant personal steps in
being able to understand first hand what one with hiv feels. while not knowingly
confronted with having to accept or otherwise one with a positive hiv status, i do
feel i would be able to look beyond that one fact to see if in fact i can have a
relationship with him. (Dear speaker the black community is in deep
denial with respect to HIV/AIDS and you are completely right this forum is one of the
least visited and the forum on penis size is the most visited. Clearly showing a
wrong priority. But I can only push on and be grateful for those who do read this forum
and become bettter informed. At this time I am considering ways to drive more traffic to
this page)
From an anonymous speaker
Since I began dating men in the mid-80s, I've encountered, with an alarming frequency, an
increasing number of gay men who are HIV+. Some have revealed their HIV status only after
I'd known them for several months (purely socially) and others make a point of revealing
themselves almost as soon as I'm seated on the sofa. And I am certain I've met and
possibly have slept with men who have known themselves to be HIV+ and have kept silent.
Given these three alternatives, I can't say which I prefer. It has been drummed into me by
the media that it is preferrable to know a partner's HIV status (and your own) before
intimacies begin. And while I have thanked the men who have told me about their HIV right
off the bat, a part of me still resented them more. Discussing HIV seems like too heavy an
issue to burden the slender thread of interest in a budding relationship, regardless of
its depth. But once the issue is on the table, it is impossible to ignore. I've yet to
summarily drop a man because he's HIV+. Knowing this information in advance has stopped me
from getting too intense with men. Still, confronting an HIV+ man is a bit of a dare -- do
you try to respond in an "enlightened" way or do you panic, follow your gut
instincts and cut a possibly wonderful man completely out of your life, not to mention
your bed?
Part of the problem is the anticipation men have of sex being spontaneous and done on
demand. If gay men slowed down, treated each encounter not on a purely sexual level, there
might not be a need to blurt out one's HIV status. I see more in a gay man than just
another in a succession of sexual conquests. If we remove the possibility of mechanical,
spontaneous sex from the equation, there might not be a need to overload meeting someone
with the bugbear of HIV. Don't get me wrong, there is no ideal time to discuss it. But I
suppose the irrational part of me still clings to the dream that HIV does not exist and
that potentially every gay man I meet or sleep with, won't be my last. It still seems so
unfair (for lack of a better word) to have one's health debilitated based on whom and how
we, as black gay men, choose to love.
From TheEcho1@webtv.net
I would like to say thanks for the great website. It is the best Black gay website that I
have run across. I will spread the word! Your HIV forum is a very good tool for us to have
in order to share our thoughts, fears and concerns on such a sensative matter. I was
diagonosed HIV+ on January 16, 1998 (a day that I will never forget). I took the test for
the first in my life. I had lied for years about taking the test. However, I never really
discussed it with any of my partners because we both looked good and felt good. I took the
test because I had started to go through great anxieties over the possibilities of being
HIV+. I not only found out that I was HIV+ but was told that I had full blown AIDS! You
can't imagine what went through my head as I sat there with my mother in the doctors
office. I could not conceive this idea because I had never been sick with anything. It
turned out that I had a CD4 count of 1 but the virus was undectable from the start.
According to CDC I am suppose to be dead! My doctors are puzzled at the fact that I am and
have been very healthy. I now have 55 T-Cells. I share this because a lot of brothers are
afraid to be tested thinking that a positive result means death. IGNORANCE = DEATH! I
strongly believe that if we as a community took the time to educate ourselves as well as
others we could cut down the infection rate. Believe me, there are a lot of brothers that
are lying about having taken the test and some even go into a denial state after being
told. I have only met a couple of guys that I have been intereted in and told them during
our first really serious conversation. I think that they have the right to make the
decision of whether or not they wish to deal. I know take the medication as a preventive
measure, yes, the theraphy is something that should be looked into carefully with a doctor
that is knowledgable on the matter and that is gay friendly and that has a genuine concern
for you. I now find myself thinking about kids that I may never bring into this world and
often feel guilty, angry and sad. But, i've learned to look at it as a condition that I am
dealing with and with GOD I will stay healthy and live on! So I say learn, learn, learn
and educate! One last thing, I think that you brothers that run from us that are positive,
you are really running from reality. There are a lot of us that got caught with our
pee-pee's exposed and boo-boo's uncovered during a moment of pleasure (I hope?!). It's not
to say that we all were having one night stands and/or sleeping with any and every body.
So relax take a deep breath and let go. It's not wise to always think that because a
person that is HIV+ that they will kick the bucket before you, as a matter of fact, most
of us that are seeking some sort of help know our complete health status. Stop and think
about it, if it were you would you want people to run away and reject you knowing yourself
that you are a wonderful and beautiful man? I didn't thnk so! BE SAFE AND GOD BE WITH US
ALL.(Dear Speaker thank you for sharing your experience with us. I
know it will reach many minds. My greatest desire is that it reach the minds of
young black males both gay and straight. Hopefully they will read the
responses in this forum such as yours and as a result take responsibility. So many
young black lives are being needlessly devastated by this disease)
From crwinston@hotmail.com a.k.a. big o buttt on wbs. gay chat line.
First and foremost I would like to thank you for this excite sight of yours. Second to
answer your question I think that the person who has the virus has a responsibility to
their lover to give them that choice and let know before they become intimate with each
other if that person really cares for that
person then they will stay and have protected sex with and enjoy the time that they
have let. If not then they might wnat to look at the situation as the ir lover's rejection
as part of god's protection because of the fact that that person may not be
emotionally availabe to that person later on in life when they become a sickly person and
needs somebody to be there for them. Thanks For letting me share
From an anonymous speaker
Peace, Brothers. First, please allow me to give thanks to "Blackmen..."
for having such a well rounded website. This is one of the few gay sites that offer the
elements of sexuality, artistry, and knowledge. I was given your address by a freind and I
believe that that act was a blessing in disguise. Thank you again. I'd like two make very
short comments in reference to two very interesting issues that were addressed in the
forum. First, I am a very young (but mature according to others)man of 22 years. I am in
love with who I know is the person who was born to be my best friend. He's 35 years old,
very sweet, loyal, intelligent, and giving. He's just an overall positive person...
including HIV! I am negative(HIV). I've known this about him since the second week that we
began seeing each other. His reasons for telling me were, as he says, out of respect for
himself and life and out of what he knew was his love for me and my life. All this to say,
brothers, that you have to first accept what your situation may be, and have
wisdom to realize that the buck can stop with you. Also, respect yourself enough to handle
your business in a dignified way. If it's true love, as it were it my case, you would feel
obligated to tell this person. And if it's not true... maybe it shouldn't be happening
anyway. This is real, and many brothers aren't ready to deal with it... but you have to
be. The second point I would like to make is in regards to, in my opinion of course, the
stupid ass notion that HIV does notvause AIDS. That has to be one of the most ignorant
conspiracy theories that I have heard... and I'm a pretty conscience bro'. Although, I do
believe that HIV is manmade, I do not believe that if left alone most will not get sick!
Please, this virus is making many people in high places rich. You don't buy their product
(medicine) you may get sick. Brothers please be careful. I Love all of you simply because
we are in this together. Let's support each other and keep it real!!! WE deal with a lot,
but where theres struggle, there progress. Thank you for listening. Peace.